A
female
age
41-50,
*tillInLove???
writes:For the past three years I have been in love with a man whom i beleive is my soul mate, but he and I are not together. He drinks, cant get his life together and is usually depressed. HE and I are both artists and connect on many deep levels but when it comes to being together out in the "real world" we simply can't. I have tried everything to get away from this love I have, I even moved across the country for three months only to come back and literally run into his arms. He has hurt me more than anyone ever has or probably will, we both have hurt each other. HOw do I let go of someone that I truly feel is a part of me, of my soul????
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2008): If you truely believe, this man, is your soul mate, then you'll be able to walk away, knowing deep in your heart that he will come to you.... in his own time. And if and when this time comes, you'll know it's forever, but if you never give it this - test of time - then it will never be what you want it to be. One more thing that's extremely improtant, if your heart doesn't open up to him when/if he comes back, then he's not your soul mate. Our hearts will open over and over for a soul mate. Leave before permantant damage is done. Do some dating with other guys, go through the motions of moving on, with time and some clarity you may find he's not your soul mate, just an oxytonin fix. Best Wishes
A
female
reader, StillInLove??? +, writes (24 February 2008):
StillInLove??? is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your responces, i have since ended things and am working hard to stick to it. Its always been difficult for me to follow through when I tell him its over between us because he always seems to say or do something to make me change my mind. Love is not enough, that is the lesson learned in all of this.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (12 February 2008):
 Hi,
you remind me of a friend of mine who had this tumultous relationship with a girl. He said he has never felt so connected to anyone in his life and when the touched it was bam!
But they split up as she was a crazy person - totally nuts and eventually he couldnt put himself through all the drama that involved being with her. He is now happily married.
My point is that sometimes your "perfect match" can be totally wrong for you. Being in a relationship goes beyond connecting , it involves sharing responsibilities,supporting each other through thich and thin and having a sympathetic ear when live looks like it just sucks. If you are not getting what you need out of this relationship you are just going to have to find the strength to end it. There is no point living life like this just because you think he is the one.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2008): Hi i've often thought that some people can actually love us and at the same time hurt us because they themselves have issues, insecurities or low self respect and low self esteem hence the term 'sometimes love isn't enough'. If a man does not respect himself he won't be able to respect his wife/partner. I read somewhere that it is amazing/fascinating how lovers/married couples etc can 'both damage and nurture each other' throughout the course of a relationship. I think there are some people who are part of us/our souls but if their presenting behaviour is not acceptable then we have to stop engaging with them on a level at which they can hurt us, so maybe just friends is best for now? I hope this makes sense - I'm looking at it from a slightly different angle I know but it's because I understand what you mean and you've mentioned the soulmate connection thing specifically. I guess you feel inexplicably drawn to him?? I am like this with my ex partner but he is a very damaged individual and I do love him dearly, was with him for a long time but because of him being damaged he cannot refrain from unacceptable behaviour (he tries but it always manages to seep out). I am not speaking to him at the moment and it's the saddest hardest thing for me but I know it's right at this time in order to get my head straight. I have for the past few years accepted him as the person I love and am drawn to and can't leave but just lately his behaviour has been so appalling that the behaviour itself has actually driven me away from him. I do feel for you and I hope you do what is best for your happiness and health. I'm starting to think of a relationship as much more of a 'package' so not just the soulmate connection thing but all the practical stuff and how they behave. I've known many 'soulmates' love and fight passionately in equal measures but most of these relationships have burnt out eventually because they simply can't sustain the high levels of a roller coaster ride for a relationship. I hope this gives some perspective. I often think therapy or counselling can help men like your partner but sadly, as in the case of my ex, they often refuse to try it. All the best x
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A
female
reader, M!  +, writes (12 February 2008):
 Well what does soul mate mean to you?From what I read it sounds like you're saying a soul mate is some one who connects with you on deep levels.But doesn't love have a big part in the term "soul mate" ?and if he truely loves you he wouldn't "hurt you more than anyone has ever hurt you before." (your words)that doesn't sound like love to me.Maybe he should just be a friend who you can connect with.And find some one else who won't hurt you so bad.I hope everything works out.love, M!
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