A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I just started dating, and I've been dating this boy for a little over a month, we broke up briefly but now we are together and happy. Its always been a huge goal of mine to wait until i graduate to have sex, but other things are okay...i think. im a very shy girl and i already told him i would not perform oral on him. I hoped he would still perform it on me but about a week later he brought it up and said he never would. So I don't know how to bring it up that i really would like him to do it to me, but I don't want to be unfair.Also because he is my first boyfriend how far do I go with I'm because honestly I already love him, he's an amazing guy.So I guess my two main questions are: is it fair I want him to perform oral on me but I wont do it back, and how far should I consider going with him?
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female
reader, EbonyBlossom  +, writes (26 April 2009):
 Take things slowly, and as soon as you feel uncomfortable then slow it down again. I don't think setting a goal to have sex at a certain time is rational as we all change our minds. Do things as and when you feel like doing them, let it be spontaneous, don't plan things too much. And I would try doing oral on him before you decide whether you're going to carry on or not - it's not great at first but it gets better, and sometimes seeing (or hearing) your boyfriend feeling so good can be quite a turn on! =]
A
male
reader, iluvsox +, writes (26 April 2009):
I'll answer your second question first, as it is the easiest to answer.
I would say that you should start out as slow as you need to. Find out more about each other, spots that turn each other one, and just not even sexual stuff, hang out and just have fun, or just hold each other and watch movies, but make sure whatever you do you're comfortable about it, never do something you don't want to do.
As far as the wanting to get oral but not giving... you have to understand for a relationship to work the right way, you have to receive AND give. Not one or the other... If you won't pleasure him orally, is it really fair for you to ask him to do it to you? And if he's your first serious boyfriend, chances are he's just as frustrated by it as you.
I suggest you guys sit down and talk about it together. The best thing to do is talk about it.
From personal experience, I have always been the "giver". I always gave, but didn't get much on the receiving end. It frustrated me, but I was happy making my (now ex) girlfriend pleasured (I also really liked going on her, but thats a different story). She never pleasured me orally though, and that brought a great rift in our relationship. "They" say that a healthy relationship is where you have sexual chemistry. If one or both are off, then the relationship is doomed to fail. So I suggest you talk and fix this, so you can make this relationship last as long as possible!
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A
female
reader, say_anything +, writes (26 April 2009):
 I agree with the first post, you go as far as you want to, and you will know what you are comfortable with and what you aren't. you seem like a clever girl who knows her own mind.
i think a month is not a long time to have been dating, so perhaps you don't need to worry about this yet. i was wondering though, why are you so against performing oral on him but would like you to receive it yourself (using protection, i hope)? is it that you don't like the idea of it, like many girls don't? unless your boyfriend has a sudden generous change of heart i think it is unlikely he will agree to perform it on you, if he's already said no and you aren't happy to give it to him. imagine if it were the other way around - he wanted it from you but wasn't prepared to return it. you wouldn't be happy, i expect. i'm not suggesting you do something you don't want to just to "earn" oral sex, of course not, but i think maybe you need to give up on that one for the time being.
it's nice to see people of a similar age to me not rushing into sex, so i applaud you for being sensible.
i wish you luck in your relationship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2009): You go as far as you're comfortable with, simple as that. As for the oral, he won't do it and neither will you. You both would like to be performed on but not do the performing. What you might call an impasse. That being the case I think you'll have to find other activities to keep you amused!
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