A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am very confused! My friend has been with her husband almost 10 years. He and I didn't really start getting to know each other until about 2 years ago. Once we started to get to know each other we got to be really close. She is O.K. with this and often jokes about how close we are. We share a lot of the same ideals, hobbies, beliefs, etc. Well now I'm beginning to wonder if he is seeing me as a little more than a friend. I have tried distancing myself, but I LOVE being around my best friend, so that is kinda hard. If there is something going on I would like to address it with him so we can put the brakes on it now. HOWEVER, if there is not then I don't want him to think I'm insecure and looking for something places where there isn't anything and go back to my friend and tell her that. He and I have gotten to where we text a few times a week, we talk on the phone for at least an hour 1-2 times a week. He and her are going through some rough spots and I hear about it from both of them (I don't do the he/ said she said thing they BOTH know they can trust me), but I hear about it ALOT more from him. So sometimes the conversations center around that then other times he is just telling me about all the crazy stuff he did as a teenager. My question is WHEN DOES FRIENDSHIP CROSS THE LINE??? When we are around each other he compliments me alot and is always offering a helping hand, but in a way that is just his personality and he does it to everyone on a certain level. Yet in the past few months he has gotten increasingly withdrawn when we are around each other at first and it takes him a little while to pick up the conversation, etc. He has even been a bit quick with me a few times after I have mentioned things about other guys or been really friendly with another guy that was around. How do I know if he is really trying to build a relationship with me and be my closest guy friend and when do I need to think wait a minute this guy is getting alot closer than a friend's husband should? I have been known not to be the 100% best judge of character and since I am not committed to someone I don't want to just be thinking the worst and getting attached to him just because I am subcontiencly looking for a "mate". So what are the signs he is looking at me than more than "just a friend"?
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female
reader, Souxie  +, writes (11 January 2010):
Be very careful how you 'read' hs actions. If you misjudge his feelings or intentions, you could end up losing both friends and making a fool of yourself. I say this as my husband and I have just had to put some distance between a female friend who I went to school with and my husband knew since we were 16yrs old. My husband had shared with this friend and her sister that he been not been supportive to me and we had experienced problems but he was woking on t being better for the future.The difficulties came about becaause he was being caring and supporive to her when she had a fall whilst we were all on holiday with her and her sister. She clearly thought he had given her a sign she meant more to him (or hoped he had). The friend followed him around and kept pestering, touching,cuddling and kissing him. Her behaviour has put an end to a friendship that had lasted 45yr all because she stepped over the boundaries.If you value your friendship with this couple, stay out of their personal business and keep in neutral.
A
female
reader, jenna34 +, writes (26 February 2008):
I have to agree with Ask and Anonymous on this one. I hate to say it but usually there is so much chemistry that the 2 people find it spiralling out of control but this seems to have been flat. I think he felt friends at first and now he is just thinking how he can slowly get out and not cause you to freak out so he doesn't hurt you and doesn't have to deal with anything negative. Sounds like a nice guy that realizes he went to far. I think you are falling in love with him and he's worried about that but doesn't want to have to tell you to back off. He liked the attention at first but now he's not comfortable with it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2008): The very best thing you can do for yourself is to get a life! Sorry to sound hard - but I mean you are starting to act as their counselling service (for free) - maybe if they have so many problems as a couple and you care they need to work on these through an independent person?? Clearly this situation is draining you. Healthy friendships should not do this and sometimes you are being kindest by stepping away or down from this role you have, and suggesting to them both that they get help. Explain you can still be their friend but you feel it is beyond your capacity to help them so intensely. An hour on the phone once or twice a week is an awful lot of time to invest - Just think what other hobbies you could have. Your 'friendship' is clearly not helping their relationship and it sounds a little like this guy is relying on you to replace some of the missing emotions in his relationship. I really think it is time for you to back off a little - plan some time for yourself and demonstrate love and support for them BOTH without breaking boundaries. Do you really need to immerse yourself so needily in their lives like this? There is a part of me that wonders if you could possibly be flattered by this mans little displays of jealousy or possessiveness - after all it is nice to feel appreciated. Be careful before you find yourself in a situation where this man makes a full blown pass at you and you are left wondering whether or how to tell your female friend. You could lose both friendships and your reputation along with it.
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