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female
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anonymous
writes: I am 17. I have known my 22 year old best friend for a little over a year now. He is like a brother to me, and he is the greatest person I have ever met. He has been happily engaged for over a year (shortly before i met him) and i am good friends with his fiance. I go to his house nearly everyday just to muck around and because I love being there. However, a little while ago (, we started to do a different type of "mucking around". He would pin me down and stick his hand down my shirt... i know that sounds bad, but it wasn't serious or anything. Anyway, about 3 months ago he kissed me. He said it was because I needed to feel what it was like to be loved. (i am a very paranoid and self conscience person) We both thought it would never happen again. However, he kissed me again the next day. We both felt bad about it. I won't go into details, though i will say that it, and more, has happened on many occasions. We both know it needs to stop. I know that i need to get over him while i can. But he is the only person who has shown true affection towards me. I love him more than anyone else in the world, and know that i definately dont want to screw up his life. I feel bad because of his fiancee, but the thing is, he has started it every time and i say we shouldn't. But i am also to blame because i always give in. My actual question is... should I be more forceful when saying that we should not continue, or should i just let him decide?I do like him. a lot. but if anyone we know found out, it would ruin both our lives...
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male
reader, tux  +, writes (28 March 2006):
 I have a big red flag waving on this one.. I would stop.. To me it sounds like he is taking advantage of you and you need to put your foot down on this one. I have my doubts that he is a good friend. He wouldn't be cheating on his fiance with you if he was. and to me it sounds like he is mentally abusing you.
The big red flag here? This is what you said.
"He would pin me down and stick his hand down my shirt... i know that sounds bad, but it wasn't serious or anything. Anyway, about 3 months ago he kissed me. He said it was because I needed to feel what it was like to be loved. (i am a very paranoid and self conscience person)"
A) it sounds to me as if you really didn't want his hand down your shirt.
B) A kiss does not equal love. A kiss really is just a way to get a jolly. Love is a bigger picture and a kiss is just an expression of it. IMO he is trying to get into a larger relationship with you than just friends and is using emotional tactics to get to you knowing you can be self-conscious.
My advice is to get away from him, I do not see anything good becoming of this. It may be hard to hear, but that is my take on this. You're 17 and have a wonderful life ahead of you. Don't waste your time with a guy who is seeing you who already has someone else. There are plenty of other guys that i'm sure wouldn't mind being with you. They may not come around to you as fast as you want them to, but they will show up.. Take it from someone who has experienced this.. There have been times in my life where I thought love was hopeless only to find myself with someone eventually. Just remember to keep your head up.
A
female
reader, Aunt Audrey  +, writes (28 March 2006):
 My advice is get out of this guys life, your going to either a) get hurt yourself or b) hurt his fiancee.
The relationship you have with him will not go unnoticed for much longer and will bring a whole lot of trouble your way.
If he wants to be with you he'll finish with his fiancee and be with you.
This is not a brotherly relationship anymore, it has moved on, it is a physical, secret relationship that will do more harm than good, end it for your own sake.
Be truthful with him and say how you feel, but don't be used by this man!
If you really love him you'll let him go, and if he loves you he will do the right thing, finish with his fiancee, tell you how he feels and take it from there.
Don't settle for half a relationship, move on and find the real deal!
Good luck.x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2006): How confused you must feel. I'm so sorry to give you this obvious answer but you need to stop this now. Poor you stuck in the middle of this couple. I expect your friend is a bit confused too. However, he has a Fiance and just try to imagine in a few years time if the boy you love starts kissing someone else, you would hurt so bad and I'm sure you would a) Hope he loves you enough not to hurt you and cheat. b) hope the girl involved realises you love him and doesn't try to come between you. You are both in danger of hurting each other and his Fiance. You sound like a lovely young woman, save your kisses for a boy who is free to give them.
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A
female
reader, Floppy +, writes (28 March 2006):
 Hello,The question really is, do you feel this guy is your best friend, or could he be more? He has a fiance, but if he really cared for her he wouldn't be 'mucking around' behind her back. If he isn't being faithful to her at the moment, before they are married, it won't make any difference when they are. If you like this guy enough for him to be your boyfriend, you should talk to him about it, but make sure he understands that its either you and only you, or he can forget it. If he isn't benig faithful towards his fiance, he may not be to you, but people do change so if you think you two would make a good couple, go for it! :) Good luck!
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