A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I started seeing a guy at the beginning of this year. I'm quite shy, and it took a lot of effort from him to convince me to say yes to a date. I didn't have much experience with guys before him; I had only been seeing one other guy, and at this point I thought that I needed to live a little and just have some fun, so I said yes to the date.The date ended up going well, and he was very keen to see me again. This went on for a while, and we ended up seeing each other 3 or 4 times a week - I enjoyed spending time with him and he also told me he enjoyed my company too. We also spoke to each other everyday through text and had long conversations. Although I initially only wanted fun, my feelings changed somewhere along the line and I started to really like him because he seemed keen with me too. We were pretty much exclusive, because we weren't seeing anyone else, and this was great; he's a Uni student (same age as me but on a longer course) and he's leaving in the summer to go back home - which is a while away from me - so a full on relationship wouldn't have lasted. Unfortunately we stopped seeing each other just over a month ago due to a rumour involving another girl. Although I didn't accuse him of doing anything, I wanted to talk to him about it like adults before I could confirm whether I believed him or the rumour which had come from a friend of a friend who apparently saw this happen. He had a bit of a reputation for sleeping around before so this is why I was dubious. At this point, I was also going through a tough time with other things in my life so I was very emotional and I feel like I may have said some things over text before we met up, that looking back on I didn't mean, things that might have scared him a bit because I was completely honest with him and told him how I felt about him. When we met up to talk about it, he denied everything, but he still went on the defensive and said wanted to end things with me. I was very upset at the time and I'm still gutted about everything. I'm confused because of how he could be hot one minute then cold the next. Things have ended on ok terms (I messaged him after the "breakup" to make sure things were okay and that we could still be friends) but he isn't making any effort to be my friend at all; it's as if he never knew me. No messaging me, he couldn't be bothered to carry on a conversation over text with me - he just didnt reply. I've had no contact with him whatsoever for the past two weeks. I'm confused because he seemed so keen before and it's as if a switch went off I'm his head. I also know it was only a matter of a week or so before he got with another girl on a night out and he's been hanging out more with girls (apparently they're just his friends but he's a flirt). He's become that typical tool - he just wants to be a lad. Logically, I know I can do better than him. But emotionally it seems i can't accept that. why am I the one that upset when he's clearly out enjoying himself? We weren't even seeing each other long, but this just shows how much I liked him. How can I move on and forget him like he seems to have with me? How can I make him regret his decision? What little self esteem I had before has decreased even more knowing that he'd rather spend time with these girls than me. One minute I'm fine, the next I'm thinking about him all over again, and it needs to stop. What can I do?
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male
reader, wise-guy +, writes (10 May 2014):
I know how you feel - here's a little of my story. So just like you I met this girl, nothing 'official' happened but we were always talking, she actually asked for my number and called me - from then we just talked for hours, even into the early hours of the morning. We would text each other regularly through out the day. Eventually feelings started to develop and she felt the same (great right?) So our relationship turned sexual and I would visit her weekends, we'd spend the days doing things that couples do - went on walks, had drinks in town, went out for meals etc. then at night we'd settle on her bed to a film or just some junk tv and would be very intimate, she'd lean on me and wrap my arms around her, we'd kiss and just talk about anything and everything y'know? And eventually through the night things would lead to being more intimate and then we'd have sex. I honestly felt like it was the perfect situation and that I had found the one - we are just perfectly matched Imagine my heartache then, when after all this she suddenly tells me she cant have a relationship right now and can't commit - Even though she loves me she cant - wtf???? :( So Im stuck in this limbo, rather like you wondering what on earth can I say or do to make things different - Do you move on? Or is a part of you still holding out for things to change. I am a firm believer of 'never say never' and I dunno, just feels like we have so much unfinished business and still have great chemistry that it wouldn't be impossible to imagine that one day we might just talk again and things would click and she'd be ready to go the extra mile - I literally long for that day to happen, maybe it will but equally maybe it wont - it is an uncertainty that tortures me daily I don't think there is any sure way of moving on lovely. I mean people will tell you to 'do things to take your mind off him' or 'meet new people' ... plenty of fish in the sea so they say BUT it isn't that easy and I know that. You don't want another fish, you want THAT fish - the one that has everything you want and more - the one that you just can't do without, their voice, their personality, their sense of humour, the way they look at you. Everything. It's so tough knowing that you might never see them again, or not knowing if you'll ever hear their voice over the end of a phone again and you sit waiting for something to happen - like in all those romantic films right? Just waiting to have that underdog moment where the person you love wakes up and realises what you mean to them. The problem with trying to move on is the thing you cant stop doing and that's thinking about them - the times you had to together, wondering what they are doing and whether they give you a thought. my worst problem is just going over the memories of the weekends we spent together, I can just picture the moment we were laying on her bed and she just gazed into my eyes as I was playing with her hair and she said "I could get lost in your eyes" - Arrghhhhh! to only have that back! - It just doesnt help thinking about memories like that but emotionally you just cant help it.Time is a great healer so they say, so I suppose all you can do (and all I can do) is wait it out and hope that the memories become less vivid - But when you like that person it's gunna take a hell of a long time and it isnt easy. Im still coping with my heartache and I still would love nothing more than to hold this girl in my arms and just be together like we could have been. Right person at the wrong time it seems.
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