A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:so cupid, Recently, my boyfriend and I broke up for the second time. things that happened: In the past, I have cheated, and I paid for my actions, I was devastated. so that led to this girl in my class who's in his class, and she's been feeding him lies that I still talk to the guy I cheated on him with. second, he was trying to make us work, but I really broke us up, even though he tried compromising.. but I didn't want to.. wow I was stupid. lastly, I overreact. I get all overwhelmed and crazy when things didn't go my way. all I'm really asking from him is his love and time. i don't know what else I can do at this point. I really want him back. but he can't trust me and thinks i'm crazy. I just want to fix what we had. yes it was our second chance I ruined. do you know what I can do from this point to make him rethink and change his mind. and if also, tips if we were to be together again.
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female
reader, llifton +, writes (10 May 2014):
 So from his end of the spectrum - you cheated, you kept talking to the guy you cheated with, and you were unwilling to compromise? I'm not so sure, given those circumstances, I'd be willing to go back, either.
At this point in my life, if someone cheats, it's a relationship death sentence. It's the ultimate betrayal of someone you love. So for me, there would be no going back. It would be over.
Advice to get him to come back? Maybe lay low for a while and respect his wishes. If he's asking for space, give it to him. The more in his face you are, the more he will think you're overbearing and unwilling to respect him.
You may just have to face the fact that this is over and learn from your mistakes.
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (10 May 2014):
The best thing you can do is move on. Maybe he'll change his mind and start talking to you later. But if you pester him you'll only push him further away.
The side benefit is that if he doesn't come back, at least you're on your way to moving on.
To be honest with you, he'd have to be nuts to give you another chance. You either need to fix yourself before dating again or find a guy who can deal with your craziness.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2014): [edit} "There is really no such think as "unconditional" love."
Correction:
There is really no such thing as "unconditional" love.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2014): [Edit]"You can keep up your phony act, or nice facade of being good anymore."
Correction: You can't keep up your phony act, or nice facade of being good anymore.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2014): Second chances after a breakup very rarely work. People try again; but the most important element in order to make a reconciliation work; is for both people to change, and stop doing the things that broke them up.
There is really no such think as "unconditional" love. This implies that a person loves you not only for who you are; but no matter what you do.
No one is going to continue to love you no matter what you do.
Love is a give and take emotion. It grows when your partner receives what they need from you; and when you receive those things that you need from others in a relationship.
It weakens when needs are not met. Your actions and behavior can change someone's feelings for you; if you are cruel and selfish. The mindset that you should have your way is a ticking time bomb. We all have threshold of how much pain we can withstand. Where we finally break.
You admit you messed up, but you did nothing to change. You expect what you do to be dismissed; and expect to be forgiven for the same mistakes over and over.
How is that fair?
You'll never convince me, or your boyfriend, he can get away with anything.
You yourself cannot forgive someone for hurting you over and over. There is a point when we can't take it anymore.
He has reached that point. So it's time you moved on.
Second chances usually happen when one of the two is not able to move on. They do everything they can to get their ex back.
The ex feels guilty. Starts to have second-thoughts about the breakup. They do care for you, and they decide maybe breaking up was a mistake. Usually, a lot of promises are made. People use sex and memories of the good-times to seduce each other back.
Separation is a painful and difficult process. You seek pain-relief anyway you can; so couples try to escape the misery by trying again. Usually that is a big mistake. They are doomed to undergo and repeat everything that broke them up in the first place. Everybody is on their best behavior, at first. Straining to appear changed. New and improved!
Is if by a magic spell, they changed over-night. Nothing is further from the truth!!!
Then comes the usual problems in the relationship. The old insecurities are still there. The old problems from the past, that you never resolved, resurface. He starts having flashbacks of the past. You can keep up your phony act, or nice facade of being good anymore.
The real you comes out again. Then it's over.
If you messed up a second time. Your ex-boyfriend would be very foolish to take you back. You haven't learned anything, and you only want what you want. You don't accept any responsibility to change' or have any concern about what you do that hurts him. You feel entitled. That is very selfish.
You are going to have to sit-back, and think about the things you've done that ruined everything. Take full responsibility for what you've done wrong. Just saying "I'm sorry" is not enough. Worst of all, you don't mean it. If you did, you wouldn't repeat the behavior that broke you up. You would have kept your promises by changing.
Forget it, if you think there is a third chance in the future. You've been spoiled. Taking things for granted.
You always want to have it your way.
You haven't learned to be mindful and careful of how you treat your boyfriend, that you claim to care so much about. You like thrashing his feelings, and seeing how much you can get away with. For you, that means "unconditional" love. If you want to have a boyfriend and to keep one, you have to be a good girlfriend. There has to be something in it for both of you.
Love can be "unconditional" when both people are kind to each other. When they both freely give, and no one has to demand anything from the other. The feelings are mutual. Forgiveness must be "deserved," and easily exchanged when we make human mistakes. If we make a conscious and sincere effort not to make those mistakes that hurt someone we love. When we learn how to compromise, and not always try to have our own way. Then conditions don't have to be set, to give or receive love. You simply have to be deserving of it.
You can't make endless mistakes, and expect people to offer you a life-time pass to hurt them. It just isn't going to happen, and that isn't love. That is stupidity.
You are immature. You prove that when you don't learn from your mistakes. You hurt him, and you don't seem to care.
There are no excuses for hurting people again and again.
None! He isn't perfect. He makes mistakes too. We all do.
However; if you make so many mistakes people can't put up with you anymore; then it is seriously time for a change!
You don't get, or deserve, a third chance with the same guy!
You fix yourself, and try to do better with the next one.
You must take time off. Be single, while you heal from this breakup and fix yourself.
You are now closed for remodeling and repairs. Take time to change the things you know will destroy any future relationship. Do things to make you feel good, to deal with your pain and grief. While you detach from your ex.
You have done enough damage, and you shouldn't go back to do more harm to the same person. That is a little crazy. It is sadistic. Above all, it is very selfish.
No more contact. Leave him alone. Your apologies mean nothing; because you're the same. You haven't changed.
You just want your boyfriend back, and he has to put up with you. Sorry, my dear. He'd be an idiot to allow that to happen anymore. You'd be totally spoiled and intolerable if he did. Leaving you, is helping you to change. This time, for real.
Good luck with the next guy. I hope you've learned and your future relationship will be better than the last. It can be.
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