A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hey...so... i met this guy about a month ago, and he's super sweet... the kind of guy that would make any teenage girl feel like the luckiest girl in the world! he's sweet, sensitive, he brought me flowers on our third date, introduced me to his mother on our fourth date... anyway, seemed like the perfect guy. but i just haven't fallen for him! i've been in a bad relationship before and i don't want anything serious... at least not right now, and i've made it clear to him! but i can see he really likes me!i just don't know what to do! do I give it a try and see what happens or forget about him? i keep thinking that if in one month he has not swept me off my feet, he'll never do it...besides, i'm no teenage girl, and his actions are very imature for his age (he's 28)!he says he misses me all the time, and i don't miss him... he says he adores me, and i can't say it back...and to top it all off, i don't think he's the kind of guy i'd want to introduce to my friends and family (especially because of his imaturity)...i'm so confused... i don't know if i'm shutting him off because of prior bad experiences or because i just don't like him as much as he likes me!how can i deal with this?
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female
reader, bardia +, writes (29 February 2012):
 Oh wow! I'm in the exact same position. I'm trying to decide if I really just don't feel the same for the new guy or if it's just too early to jump into a new relationship. The ex was a disaster and I invested everything in that relationship. This new guy is amazing in absolutely every way the ex wasn't, treats me unbelivably well, but I'm just not feeling it. Everyone tells me it's still too soon to make these decisions. That time will heal and prove. I think in your case, if you have a specific reservation about him (the immaturity you mention) and if you're not sure about bringing him home to meet the family then maybe he truly is not a good fit for you. But if it's just a lack of feeling, maybe give it more time or ask him to back off and wait a while and try it again in a month or two. If anything, this guy lets you know that there are some good ones out there, especially after a bad breakup. I'll be interested to see the other answers here. Good luck.
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (29 February 2012):
 You're not interested in him because of HIM, not because of any prior bad experiences. In fact having been hurt so recently makes you vulnerable to being swept off your feet, as you put it, because anythng might seem better than what you had. So if it hasn't happened by now, it won't.
Food for thought...I think you should define exactly what not wanting anything serious means for you, because saying it the way you're saying it tells others two things. 1. That you've been hurt recently and are vulnerable to manipulation and 2. you want a casual sex arrangement only. Best to avoid that confusion rather than trying to explain it afterward. It would also help give you a clear picture of what sort of relationship you DO want instead of simply one you don't.
You're not obliged to feel something for someone just because they feel it for you so don't even try.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (29 February 2012):
 Stop trying to force your feelings. If you don't feel the same, you don't feel the same. It's not the end of the world. It's not like you are deliberately trying to be mean or are refusing to try to make it work. You've tried. It's not going to work for you.
Accept that this happens sometimes and it's not a nice feeling. It would be worse if you were faking it or had led him on. You have told him you aren't ready; now maybe you'll have to sit him down and explain that to him a bit more clearly. Nicely, of course.
Good luck, just be honest and don't let him continue thinking this is going somewhere you know it's not.
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A
male
reader, MarlonT  +, writes (29 February 2012):
He needs to grow up. It's sweet but he's not very experienced in regular non puppy love dating. Are u his first gf?? Seems like his adulthood stage train hasn't even arrived at the station let alone left.I'd let him know you appreciate him but his immaturity it hindering your relationship.
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