A
female
age
36-40,
*remreese
writes:My husband and I are 23 and have been best friends since we met in high school and started dating our senior year.We have been married for four years and have two children that are four and two. We have a great relationship except for one problem. I have caught him looking up porn pics periodically through out the 4 years of marriage and he always says that he is sorry and he knows that i do not like it and that he wouldn't look at it anymore but he gets caught again some time later. This never affected our sex life though. Now he seems more interested in looking at these pictures than being with me sexually. We have even finished having sex and he has left and then started looking at these pictures on his phone. i found them on his phone and approached him about it he says that sex just wasn't enough for him. Now its gotten to the point where I cant even have sex with him without wondering whether its me hes thinking about or the girls he has been looking at and its putting a real wedge between us. I dont know what to do or think of the situation. Is there something I can do to ignite the flame in our sex life? I just cant trust him or even enjoy sex anymore. What do I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Girly123  +, writes (19 June 2009):
www.sexualcontrol.com-- i am giving this website to you because someone gave it to me and it helped reasonably.
It must be tough, and so many of us girls have to go through with this because our men are too selfish to admit they have a problem and to let go of it. They don't see it as wrong and they justify their actions with "Boys will be bos" and "All guys look at porn". But I understand, it is really difficult because we all want to be the only one in the man's life who he wants to look at. I know it hurts me the most because I know that I'm not the preffered girl he'd want to look at, instead he's got pictures of nude slags about on his computer and videos that make me sick to my stomach.
He lies and lies and you catch him everytime because you know what he's up to. It hurts you even more that he's lying to you about it for the millionth time.
From what I've learned about my man is that if you ask him to stop, he'll want to do it more. They want to be in control of their lives and they want what they can't have. So... make him what you can't have. OR make yourself into something that he hasn't seen or expected. (Sexy lingerie or a sexy outfit)
I'm not saying change yourself for him and i'm not saying that accepting it is a solution, because you will always feel wha you feel and it doesnt jsut go away. You have to let him know that he's hurting you really badly. I know that you feel that one day, enough will be enough and you are so sick of feeling sad because he cant give up or compromise on an even bit.
To ignite something in your sex life, wear something risky. Schoolgirl outfits and stilettos are always a favourite amoung guys. And it sounds a bt ridiculous, but watch a porn movie (with him, or by yourself) and try out something new that you've seen in the movie. Surprise him.
It will take a whiel for you to trust him. You have to let him know that the trust you have for him isn't at it's best you know? That way, he'll know he's got to step it up a bit.
It's a bit wrong of me to say this but be sexy in a manipulative way. Say to him, you know what he has on his phone and on the computer, but you want this to work out and you want to try something to fix it. Tell him it'll benefit him in the end.
Take away the pictures (delete them or whatever) and go 5 days without pictures, maturbation or sex. During those 5 days, be seductive towards him, but not enough to throw him over the edge and on the last day, dress up in that sexy outfit, do your hair and try out your new moves!
Best of luck to you!
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