A
female
age
41-50,
*ilya
writes:I'm having an emotional relationship with my co-worker who is married.His wife also suspects this and is jealous.There is nothing serious a thing to make a fuss about because i dont take things seriously,but he is very serious.He likes to hang around with me and he said he loves me very much and that i'm the only one he truly loves.But problem is, we are both married..I like him very much,but my instincts keeps me to draw a line between us..He used to drink and i hate that very much..Though he tried to quit,he cant..I told him it breaks us apart with his drinking continuous..But he still does..My question is did he really love me? or what is really going on in his heart? what should i do?
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co-worker, jealous Reply to this Question
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female
reader, BondGirl72  +, writes (7 July 2012):
 I also agree with Aunt Honesty that if this was a serious relationship with this man at work, you would both be leaving your spouses and planning a future together. So far that has not happened and I would be very surprised if it did.
A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (7 July 2012):
If you feel trapped now, the only thing you can really do is begin looking for another job. That is why sometimes people will advise against starting any kind of relationship at work. It just has consequences that sometimes you cannot foresee or even imagine. The following is not what I consider to be the best advice, but you can continue the affair, but be aware that this may be emotionally devastating to you, him, and your spouses. If you continue on with him, it is possible that you will continue to want more and he will not be willing to give it. This will be very hard for you especially since you work together and have to see each other everyday. It is possible that both of you could want divorces making your lives more chaotic and devastating your spouses and families. I am sorry to say that nothing good can come of this. I had an emotional affair and thought everything was fine until he turned on me, so just prepare yourself that this cannot go on forever. I know you think it can, I always did too. But realistically, it can't.
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A
female
reader, Lilya +, writes (7 July 2012):
Lilya is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your help and advice..but ive got to admit its very difficult to end this without complicating things,becoz if i tried to end this relationship, he plays truant from work and my superior dumps his work on me which i cant refuse..how can i end this?
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (5 July 2012):
Also, I forgot to add that saying his wife is "jealous" is kind of an immature perspective isn't it? His wife is probably terribly upset that her husband (not boyfriend, not lover...HUSBAND) is emotionally connected to another woman. Jealously would be the last emotion I would feel if I was his wife or your husband. Devastation and sadness would come first.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (5 July 2012):
There is something to make a fuss about or you would not be talking about how his drinking bothers you or wondering if he really loves you. An emotional affair is just as bad if not worse than a sexual affair. If you just slept with someone and did not see him again, that is one thing, but you see this man and communicate with him on a continuous basis. The fact that you work together makes it easier to carry on this emotional affair, but it is going to make it harder for you to break ties with him since you will constantly see and probably have to communicate with him. This is especially hard if one of you wants to pull away and one of you doesn't because it creates a lot of difficult and stressful dynamics in the workplace, and that is where you will have to deal with all of the emotions that go along with this. It makes it hard to carry on with doing your job on a daily basis. Also, with the fact you are both married, you need to carefully think about what you are doing to your husband. It's one thing to talk to a co-worker or be friendly with him, but it's another to share intimate details of your life with him. Does a future with a man who drinks sound appealing to you? How does he stack up to your husband? I have a feeling that he doesn't. Maybe you should try building your relationship up with your husband instead of building one with a man who is married and drinks. Just something to consider. Another thing to think about is office politics and rumors that start going around when two people are dating, let alone, when there are two married people having an affair.
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A
female
reader, TristaPena  +, writes (5 July 2012):
He is playing with you. You are a light distraction, but if you want to be certain then suggest that he leaves his wife to be with you. You will soon have your answer.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 July 2012):
 The question here shouldn't be does he loves you, it should be about what you want in life. You are married to a man who you made a promise to be faithful to, and here you are having an emotional affair with another man, this is hardly fair on your poor husband or his wife for that matter. You should split up with your husband so that he has a chance to find someone who will love him and respect him as a partner not go out and cheat on him. At least then you will be single and free to do as you please without hurting your poor husband.
As for this man, he is also married I cannot tell you if he loves you or not, but if he was serious about you then he would leave his wife and then ask you to become his partner, if he has not done that yet then he is probably just looking to you as the other woman.
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