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female
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*oucie
writes: Ive known Derek since Sept last year, we met three times and then he went scotland to work for 3 weeks. We missed eachother then when he returned, he wanted to meet me twice in one week. We met on the tues then we were meant to meet fri eve but i got a phone call saying he wouldn't be able to meet me again as his ex wants him back and he was confused. We met again 3 weeks later, i didn't want her back and still doesn't, he does have a little boy by her, so he has to go to hers each sunday to see him, his also going to solicitors and courts to get proper access. We then met once a fortnight on a wed, as he wanted to take things easy and he had little money. He became ill over xmas and ended up in hospital, so i never saw hoim for a while. We started meeting again in the last couple of months, he still only see's me once a fortnight, which is starting to frustrate me. He didn't see me last week as he worked late, he didn't see me this week as his money wasn't put in bank because of bank holiday. I told him I was very dissappointed and said to him, if he didn't want to see me, why doesn't he just say!!He said he does want to see me and he would definitly tell me if he didn't. He said he was just as fed up as i was. He said he would see me every day if he could, but he said it's out of his control. He also said he rings me nearly every night and his trying his best, that made me feel guilty for getting onto him, I felt I should be greatful for the phone calls. He said things will change soon, when his court case stops, He'' have extra money to see me. He is off to holland this sun for one night with his mates, his had that planned some time. He alsop said he has money put away for his young son, which he won't touch. I do understand that. I don't want to loose him. Should I just say to him, maybe we should just be friends? I need him to wake up and realise his making me feel like im someone to hold onto until somthing better comes along!!!!
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female
reader, shania  +, writes (15 April 2006):
 It sounds to me like he is making excuses up.He says its due to a lack of money but he cant be that broke if he is going with his mates to Holland.Why should money be the issue? If someone is keen on you,it wouldn't matter if they were broke....you could have romantic meals at home or go out for a walk in the park......what im saying is...it doesn't take money to enjoy someones company.I think his 1st priorities is his son which is understandable and his work as well.....which i wouldn't say should be his 1st priority.....i think you have got to weigh up the pros and cons of this situation.If you feel that he isn't giving you enough emotional fulfillment and its making you frustrated and sad then i think it would be best to end it now,otherwise you will end up more discontented,if on the other hand your fella does make more of an effort and meets you half way then its worth hanging on to.I think once he realises you have gone...it might be the wake up call he needs to get his act together.
A
female
reader, smeedle +, writes (15 April 2006):
 You feel undervalued as a partner and that it is all one sided, he calls the shots and you have to live with it, or lump it.
It does indeed look to be a one sided relationship and yes I think you should tell him that you would just like to be friends for awhile while he gets his life sorted out, then when he has some free time to give you a ring and if you are not busy maybe you could go out for a meal.
This is sure to get him to make up his mind about what he wants, were his life is at and what his future plans are.
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