A
female
age
36-40,
*onfusedgirl187
writes:I am a 28 year old female and have been dating my boyfriend for 8 months. We get along great. We enjoy each other's company, we both have great careers, family get along, similar hobbies, ect. I have never had a person to have so much in common and fun with. However, my boyfriend's "relationship maturity" is lacking. He is a little selfish in bed, rarely says sorry, doesn't talk about feelings, talks to girls in a flirty way, call other girls sexy in front of me, refuses to talk about boundaries, says I should "blindly trust, and disagreements turns into a fight because he switches the arguments from my feelings to it being right or not wrong. I feel like he deals with things as if he should be entitled to do it and not how it makes the other person feel. I don't think he would physically cheat, but he puts himself in situations (like talking to girls but not saying he has a girlfriend until they ask him out ect). I don't feel comfortable with it, but because he is doing "nothing wrong". He says I do not trust him. I do trust him. But everyone make mistakes, and to put yourself in a situation which increases that possibility, to me, is inappropriate. I would not risk the relationship like that. My boyfriend has made changes (following through, making plans, including me more in his life) I just don't know if it is enough for me to stay or how long I should wait for him to mature. I feel like I am ready for a serious relationship and I do not want to wait forever.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2016): I totally understand how you feel. It feels like you're babysitting him or teaching and reasoning with a child.The longer you're with him, the more you'll see his personality manifest itself in other areas of his life, your relationship, the choices he makes, etc.Is it worth it? That really depends on how much patience you have and how willing is he to change. You have to take it one step at a time, tackle one issue at a time.For example, he rarely says sorry. Next time he does something wrong, continue to reason with him and explain his wrong doing and how it made you feel. TELL HIM you'd like an apology. You will have to show him by example, when you are in the wrong, you must also apologize. Keep coaching him a few times and then don't say anything and watch to see if he will be sensative to your feelings and apologize on his own. If after a few months of coaching and setting the example, he still doesn't get it or still not willing to change, then my advice will be it's not going to work and best tolet it go. The key is patience, reasoning, coaching, but most of all using your actions to set the example for him to follow. Good Luck!
A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (11 March 2016):
 Hi,
you make it very clear that you are ready for a serious relationship, however, i have to be totally honest here, your bf doesn't seem to be half as serious as you.
This is where you have to decide whether he is worth you staying, or should you leave him and move on.
Nobody can tell you what to do, however, it doesn't hurt to receive a bit of wise and helpful advice.
As i read through your msg, everything that your bf is, you appear to not be, everything he does and regards as pretty ok and normal, you obviously don't do, nor think so.
He may be a wee bit selfish and even careless, because he isn't in the place you're at right now.
You are ready for something more concrete and serious, whereas he's not.
His behaviour speaks volumes actually and this in itself ought be a red flag for you.
You have two options, stay or leave.
If you stay, you would greatly benefit from discussing openly and honestly, everything that hurts and bothers you.
If your bf senses that you're not being 100% forthright and open, he will do the same, keep the truth from coming out.
It really benefits you to speak up and say things as they are, in your personal view and only then will your bf come out and speak his truth.
Once your bf has opened up fully, once he has answered all your questions, you can then make sound judgement, as to the next crucial step.
I wish you all the best. :-)
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (11 March 2016):
 Off course you want a serious relationship, you are at the age now where a relationship means more than a childhood crush. Is he the same age as you? Unfortunately regardless of his age he is not on the same wavelength as you. If you have already told him about these issues and he has not changed, well then the only thing you can do is to either say okay I will deal with them or else say no you cannot be with him anymore.
Lets go through his issues. So he is selfish in bed. Are you telling him what you want him to do with you? Maybe guide him and show him, and no sex until he makes an effort, in return am sure you can make the same effort. Spice things up. Try new things.
He rarely says sorry? Well this is a common trait for some men. They never like to admit that they might be wrong, and see that word as a weakness. If he shows that he is sorry well I wouldn't worry to much about him actually not saying the words, his actions are more important. If you are secure in your relationship and trust him, well then a little innocent flirting should be able to be laughed at. Calling girls sexy I agree is not very nice for you to hear, and if you have already told him this and he keeps doing it, well then he doesn't really care if he hurts you or not, which is not good for any relationship.
If he is not openly telling other girls he is taking, well then I guess he is enjoying the attention he gets from them, he may not cheat no, but it is still very disrespectful to you. To me it sounds like he is just not ready to be in a committed relationship.
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