A
female
age
41-50,
*elanie
writes:ive been dating this guy for 7 months now. so far he seems to be the one i want to spend the rest of my life with but the catch here is that he's married, he's through almost finalising hes divorce. n no am not a home record i met him he was living on his own. but i got curious n check his cell phone n he lied to me about calling his wife. which to me i really wouldnt mind cause they have kids together they have to talk. but why lie? he said that he didnt want to argue with me about this. but to me i think if you lie about something simple you lie about everything should i forgive him or do you think he'll do it again?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (18 June 2007):
 To trust someone is NOT to snoop around. The best way to drive this guy out of your life is to project your mistrust onto him.
Not telling you about one phone call does not constitute a lie and does not justify your histrionics and snooping. In fact, your actions reveal more about your insecurities than his intentions. If my wife checked up on me like you intend to do to your man, we'd be in counselling right now!
If you can't find it in yourself to cultivate a relationship based on trust then you will see the worst in every situation. And I can't see how any relationship could succeed through that kind of paranoia.
Address your insecurities and build trust through communication, not accusations. Good luck and take care.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2007): Hi love,
Yes trust is an important issue in a relationship, yes he shouldnt have lied to you, as you say they have children so you expect this. Just explain how much you feel about honesty and trust in this relationship and you would rather no the truth, i dont think you have to much to worry about, just have that chat and see how it goes ok hun good luck lots of love xxxx
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A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (18 June 2007):
 I don't think there is anything to worry about here. He is finalising his divorce and he has children from this marriage too. You said yourself they have kids together so he will have to keep some sort of relationship going with his ex.
Yes he should have told you he made the call to his wife, but i don't think he said anything because he diden't want to upset you.
Give him the benefit of the doubt, tell him to be more open with you when he calls his wife.
Good luck x
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