A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i've been with my boyf for nearly 2 years, we live together and it hasn't all been plain sailing! He had a problem with porn. not just any porn but wanting to do things with black guys (both me and him - we are white) I told him that i wasn't into that kinda thing and he stopped .... then did it in secret and i caught him out. he said he wouldn't do it again. caught him again. the last few months have been fine until now when i saw a profile he made up on a dating website (which he made up of a black guy) on the computer and pics of the ladies that have responded. i haven't said anything ....I AM RAGING! he knows something is up and i know he will make something up. what will i do? all the stuff was in plain sight!
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female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (20 August 2009):
 I dumped my bf, when I found out about him visiting dating sites. Stay with him and he will continue to lie to you, as he constantly abuses your trust. I say get rid of him, he will never change.
A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (20 August 2009):
 I think the problem here is a lack of communication. You have been with him for 2 years, so obviously its a serious relationship. However there appears to be little trust, it is obvious he is fulfilling a fantasy and because you are not interested he is doing it online.
I would say this is incredibly harmful if he is living out these fantasies, but from what you have said it sounds like pure titilation. The fact that he makes up a fictional character is testament to the whole fantasy. Obviously there would never be any sort of arrangements to meet these women as the lie would be exposed.
The fact that you are threatened by this doesnt bode well, it's unlikely you are prepared to accept this fantasy, so I feel the relationship is doomed. By getting him to "agree" not to do it you are only pushing him further away, and he will only do it behind your back anyway. It really is a case of either accepting it or going your seperate ways.
A lot of people live in relationships where these fantasies are acceptable, it's obviously not for you and there's nothing wrong with that, but trying to control him simply won't work, he will only resent you and go further to hide his fantasy from you.
good luck
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