A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:He's lost his job and now I feel like we're over?My bf was the sweetest, caring and very attentive when he had a job. But he's lost his job 6 months now and he's just so distant and cold.He hardly calls or texts me. We argue every time we speak. and said just cause we argue doesn't mean he don't love me still.I help him with some cash for food etc: and I am helping him being there but is like he doesn't want me anymore.Tonight he told me he's not the same man anymore and he can't give me that love and attention he use to. Cause he's going through so much right.We use to flirt and do things together but now it seems like everything I do or say irritates him and he swears he's not seeing anyone else.I love him so much I don't know what to say to him or do. and I really feel for him it hurts me he's not happy anymore:(Please help. I need serious advice.I'm 24 and he's 27
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female
reader, 02DuszJ +, writes (29 June 2014):
 Honestly it sounds like he's depressed... Depression isn't just a case of feeling down when something bad happens but it's an emotional physiological state, where you literally get hooked on negative thought patterns, which lead to more depressive thoughts, and you end up losing a lot of motivation, passion for things you used to love... It's not a personal thing, it's just an extreme effort to do basic things- socialising, even washing, reading a book whatever becomes difficult because he's not getting any natural buzz in his brain anymore- he's likely emotional and wired to be prone to depression, but it's also proven that negative thoughts spiral into patterns and actually prevent the release of serotonin in the brain... I'm not a doctor but suffer from it, and anxiety, have read and experienced n learnt to understand a lot of my condition. Be there all you can for him, and advise him to go to the doctors, he sounds like an emotional person that could be prone to it. The doctor will be able to diagnose it, if he is. Either that, OR he's just acting like a jerk- transferring his (unnecessary) guilt onto you and taking out his frustrations at the situation. He's going to be angry at himself, and others whoever's fault it was he lost his job, feeling inferior and hard done by. He does need to get a grip - support him by telling him he should be able to open up to you and feel at ease with sharing his feelings with you. Through thick and thin, sickness health you're supposed to feel at one with each other as a partnership. If he can't bring himself to treat you with honesty or appreciation, then take some space away, because maybe he just needs to do some soul searching. Take care :)
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (28 June 2014):
 Its not over, just not the same.
He has lost his independence, his direction.If your working it just makes him feel inferior.He doesn't feel worthy.
Do you know anyone who needs a bit of gardening say or decorating done - so he earns a bit instead of you subsidising him, that would help him.
Has he considered relocating for work, plenty do, they have to go where the jobs are. Join the Armed Forces, re train...is he doing everything he can and is he willing to take any job?
You just need to let him find his way, step back, but tell him you still love him,job or not.
His main focus is finding work and getting his life back, he wants to feel worthy of you again. This is temporary but its up to you how long you wait. Maybe his family could help in some way.
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A
female
reader, cattycakes +, writes (28 June 2014):
Tell him that you will be there for him when he is ready. Let him know that you understand how he feels (probably worthless) but one day the same thing might happen to you. In which case you would hope for his support, just as you offer it now. It will not help him to lose you as well. Have some faith in his feelings, give him space but tell him you aren't going anywhere. Tell him you want to give him space to sort things out but you don't want him to think that you have lost interest. Ask what he wants you to do. It is not about you, he is down in the dumps. The only trouble is these things happen to everyone, but it is important to be kind to each other.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (28 June 2014):
 He needs some space but ask him what he would like you to do and when he thinks he can be happy again. He wants the reassurance that you would not be tempted by a guy with more money, and that you will wait for him. Also set a time limit, on how long you are willing to tolerate this. A guy should always have a back up job, whatever that is until he can find something high paying. You know him better.
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