A
female
age
26-29,
*ragonHeart202
writes:My boyfriend of nearly a year (it will be a year in February 2018) suddenly doesn't like it when I touch him. I don't mean sexually, I mean casually. I don't understand why. This has never been an issue before. He has been legitimately getting mad over it and it's very upsetting to get pushed away everytime I try to hold his hand or cuddle him. He's mentioned before that I'm clingy, and I'll admit that I am to a point, but I don't think that's the issue. He's spending more and more time gaming, and on his phone when we're in bed. He talks a lot about what he'd do if we ever broke up (nothing violent just moving on, ect) , but he always follows with "but I will never break up with you". We were even trying to find a house together, but he's lost interest. My question is this: is he trying to get me to break up with him? Is he losing interest? Am I being baited? I'm having a hard time figuring this out on my own, even though I've talked to him about already. I don't know if I'm overthinking this or not. Please help, I'd greatly appreciate it.
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female
reader, DragonHeart202 +, writes (1 January 2018):
DragonHeart202 is verified as being by the original poster of the question I want to clarify a few things that I maybe didn't explain so well before. He has never shouted at me. Never. He'll sometimes pull away. Not always. The "don't go see him/leave early" method is a moot point because we live together. I can't really stop talking abut the housing thing because it's a very important step in getting him away from a toxic environment. I know he's scared, I am too, but it's something that really only gets worse as time goes on. I've talked to him about the issues some today, and we've reached a sort of understanding.
As far as being clingy...that's something I've been trying to work on for a while now. Both of us have crippling depression and anxiety (he also has bipolar disorder)It's a work in progress...
A
female
reader, DragonHeart202 +, writes (1 January 2018):
DragonHeart202 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI want to clarify a few things that I maybe didn't explain so well before. He has never shouted at me. Never. He'll sometimes pull away. Not always. The "don't go see him/leave early" method is a moot point because we live together. I can't really stop talking abut the housing thing because it's a very important step in getting him away from a toxic environment. I know he's scared, I am too, but it's something that really only gets worse as time goes on. I've talked to him about the issues some today, and we've reached a sort of understanding.
As far as being clingy...that's something I've been trying to work on for a while now. Both of us have crippling depression and anxiety (he also has bipolar disorder)It's a work in progress...
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (1 January 2018):
 You're in a danger zone when it comes to your relationship, and you're ignoring the signs and minimizing the chief one.
He says that you're clingy, and you admit that you are. That *IS* the issue, and is a very big deal. That will cause most of the behavior that he's displaying if he's feeling smothered in your relationship.
He's talking about breaking up with you because that's what he's thinking about doing, but he hasn't made the final decision.
So you need to do the OPPOSITE of what you FEEL like doing. Right now, as he pulls away, your instinct is to get clingier and grabbier and talkier and try to pull him back. You can't do that because those are the behaviors that are causing him to pull away.
Also, he might be nervous about getting a house. Stop talking about that now, and instead, pull WAY WAY back away from him. Don't text or call him unless he calls. Don't go see him unless he talks about getting together, and when you do, always cut it short and leave early. Become busy and stop being available for him 24/7.
He'll go from feeling smothered, trapped, and clung-to to "Huh?? What is she up to?" and will move TOWARD you emotionally, which is why you're feeling like crowding him emotionally, because he is pulling away.
It's time to flip the script. If he doesn't respond to the flipping, then your relationship has expired, and it's time to move on.
Do NOT bring up the house. If he does, tell him that there's plenty of time for that, and then change the subject. If he talks about breaking up with you, say something wistful back, as if you've pondered that the grass indeed might be much greener if you dropped the boring gamer.
Become more mysterious! If you're the one who prattles constantly in the car while he listens, GO SILENT. Same with anything else. Don't speak your mind. Don't overshare. Get a couple of new clothes, or change something subtle about yourself like perfume, and when he asks, instead of gushing "Do you like it??" Just smile knowingly.
There is NOTHING that turns a distance-seeking guy into putty in your arms than going distant back, as long as he REALLY is not done with the relationship. And his "but I'd never break up with you" addendum means that the chance is very real that you can flip the script on him.
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A
male
reader, Allumeuse  +, writes (1 January 2018):
Why is it a big deal if you break up with him? You aren't the bad guy. If a man actually shouts at you for touching him where do you honestly think this is going? Perhaps he is trying to bait you but so what? This relationship has stalled. He may have become addicted to social media but let that be his problem. You ate young and there are much bett er men out there who will treat you with respect. Good luck!
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