A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi Dear Cupid.As I leave 2017 and start 2018, I'm wondering if I should stay in my relationship of three years or walk away...because within these three years he doesn't seem interested in saving....I'm 24, he's 23...We are renting together, have been for over a year but of course I would like to move forward and save for a house together...I don't think I'm being unreasonable asking him to start saving at least "$10, $20" a week...to start with. but he brushes it off, tells me "don't tell me what to do" tells me he can't save because of his loan etc...yet always has money for car parts when needed...- He knows how much I earn, I don't know how much he earns...Even though I'm 24 and yes have my whole life ahead of me, I've always wanted to: buy a house, have a family of my own, get married...I'm happy seeing my friends, other people in life with all that, but I want that too...My partner doesn't want to have children for a a couple of years etc.So dear cupid...do I stay and hope that all these things will happen with my partner or do I leave and find them with someone else? P.S - I am happy in my relationship but things just get to me.
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female
reader, Sc0user  +, writes (1 January 2018):
Hey thereI seem to be kinda sharing the same problem as you. Except the outcome of mine was I walked away(currently in the process of moving back to mums) I was in a nearly 9yr relationship with the real one true love in my life but ended it as we are at diffrent stages in our life, we are taking diffrent paths. Iv never believed in the old saying "if you love them you will let the go" I'm the saving future type where my ex wanted to live for the now, I could see children and marrage but it wasn't there for them and I realised I can't waste anymore time. As we can all relate life get the usual "work home shop clean repete" sometimes,but I was in a rut, I wanted our lives to change, change that I thought would be better but I realised I thought it would be better for Me. We was happy like you state you are but things needed to change. The one true love in your life should be You. If you feel like you have to hang in there and see if things change then I can (from my experience) tell you you will be wasting your valuable time. I not saying everyone should give up, relationships are built on compromise but if you take a step back and really evaluate yourself you will know in your heart if you are actually prepared to wait it out and see. 2018 is a fresh year for me, Iv got bags of motivation to start being ME, changing Me For Me it's hard and yes it sucks but life's too short, live it how you want, live it for you. Thing with me and my ex are amicable, we both agree what needs to happen. Which in my opinion is much harder as we still care deeply for each other. My past relationships have pritty much ended with a "Bang" a huge argument, which for me was much easier to walk away from. Good luck and I wish you all the best.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (1 January 2018):
 I think maybe instead of telling him to save money for a house - explain HOW you feel and why you feel it's necessary to start now.
But I think you HAVE to accept that he and you may NOT have the same goals or at least not the same time line.
Let's say he won't even consider buy a house for another 5-10 years... then what? You going to wait around "in case" he might change his mind and do it sooner? Or do it at all?
Buying a house with someone who is NOT your SPOUSE (as in someone you are MARRIED to) is rarely a good idea legally. There is just too much at jeopardy for BOTH parties if things go South.
You need to talk time line with him. If he doesn't want kids for another couple of years then THAT is how he feels. You can't change that or expect that he want to change because YOUR time line is different.
What it comes down to is having an ADULT conversation of WHERE you want to go and how to get there - together (hopefully). And then YOU have to decide if you want to WAIT for him to MAYBE be on the same page as you down the line.
If he is 3 years have shown no interest in saving and doing more "adult" or family oriented things I'm not sure he is ready or even looking to start a family any time soon.
And why do you not know what he makes when he knows your income? Why is it a "secret"...? I mean you live together and been together for 3 years... you obviously know he has debts but not much else?
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