A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi I've been with my fiance 3 years but this past few months I feel like he's getting bored of our relationship. we have a one year old daughter together and i have a older daughter from a previous relationship. last weekend I caught him browsing through attractive women's profiles on Facebook and he started adding them as friends. if they were single why would he do that if he loved me? Yesterday we went to the park. our daughter was shouting him to watch her go down the slide. I looked over and he was staring at a young woman in the park. I turned away and looked back again and he's still staring. What would you do in this situation? thank you.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (15 March 2017):
 I think you need to talk to him and ask him why he feels the need to add women he doesn't know to facebook? You should let him know how it makes you feel. Staring at women is not cool, looking yes we all do that, but staring makes things creepy and uncomfortable so talk to him. It sounds like you are both not communicating any more. So make time to sit and tell each other how you feel.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2017): I came on here for advice I DO NOT HAVE A LEARNING DIFFICULTY and I'm not the one whos boyfriend has a dog he doesn't have a dog why be nasty when I'm only looking for help in a situation I thought this site was to help people
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2017): Sometimes fatherhood comes before a man's desire to be a husband. Who's idea was it to have a child before marriage, yours or his?
Don't take this the wrong way, I'm being blunt to give you the facts. You're a young mom, and you asked for help.
Just like women have your maternal-urges; a guy's paternal instincts will sometimes make him wonder if he is potent and man enough to impregnate a female. Once he does, he's satisfied that he's the man. Then the question is, what's next?
There's also the guy who gets trapped once you say the test-strip was positive, and he's silently screaming on the inside. Instead, he forces a fake-grin; and says he's elated! He can't wait to be a dad! While wanting to rip-off his own dick! When he would love to either run out the door that very moment, or talk you into an abortion.
Then there's the guy who was taught all his life, since boyhood, that a man must take responsibility; if he fathers a child. Unfortunately; he doesn't have to love the mother, or may not have chosen her as a wife had he been given that option. Unplanned-pregnancy is not the same for men, as it is for women. You have to carry the kid, he still has the option to flee.
There's a lot of realities we have to face in this world; and part of solving problems is asking questions and seeking the truth. Especially when innocent children are depending on us adults to make the right decisions, and protect them above ourselves.
Just because a man remains in a relationship doesn't mean he's happy to be there. Circumstances (or convenience) may force him to give-in or surrender; but he'll sometimes hide his true feelings to keep the peace.
The key to knowing if what you have together is real, is to observe. If he loves you, a man would die for his family. That includes the mother of his offspring. Every action and every move he makes is for his family. He shows his affection and gives his reassurance without being prodded or baited. He wants you to know he's happy right where he is and whom he's with. He goes out of his way to prove it.
If he leaves a question-mark in your mind, he's not sure himself. Or, you're so hopelessly insecure and so laden with trust-issues; you can't see the forest for the trees. You could take a bullet for some people, and they'd still question how you feel about them! Know thyself!
We have so many people these days that manipulate each other into relationships with sex, money, and big promises. People use each other to lean on, or out of dependency.
Before you make the giant-step into matrimony, bring it to his attention that you notice his roving-eye. Let him know that it disturbs you to see him gawking at other females; when he has you standing right there.
It's disrespectful and hurtful. If you were snooping when you found the Facebook friends; you have to fess-up and let him know you're aware. You'll get flack, but the point is; you need to know firsthand what's happening in this man's mind regarding you and marriage. Just being around for his kid isn't going to make you happy, and you'll figure-out the truth just by how he treats you. If he's distant, somewhat cold, and never makes eye-contact. You'll notice.
If this man is a good-provider, treats you like his queen, but was always been a flirt? Old-habits die hard! All you have to do is bring it to his attention that staring at other ladies and friending strange attractive females on FB is not how a good fiance (or future-husband) treats his woman. You're not stupid, and don't play you for a sucker!
If you have to remind him over and over, marriage is the farthest thing from his mind.
Maybe he's stuck, and just following through because he proposed; and he doesn't want to lose access to his child. Trying to pay child-support and live a separate life is financially-stressful. It's tough even when guys make a ton of cash. Keeping track of a totally-separate household as well as his own. Especially when full-custody goes to the mother, and he gets the short end of the stick. She doesn't want shared-custody out of scorn, and shows it by baby-mama drama when he wants to date other women. That's a man's nightmare. Not to mention what the poor single-mom goes through. Which is usually a whole lot worse!
So have a sit-down talk. I mean an adult-discussion without a bucket of tears and screaming. You're a woman, not a whiny little girl. Determine if he is serious about you and marriage. Does he realize he has to keep his stares on you and your family? Time to let pretty women just be a glance, or admired from far-distance. Not his Facebook harem, behind your back. He wouldn't want you flirting and checking-out other men or FB-friending them.
Asset beyond a shadow of a doubt; you won't go for a double-standard. You're his equal! Set boundaries now, not after the alter.
Then, have some confidence in your own appearance. If you let yourself go and use being a mother as your excuse; he doesn't have to accept it. Yes, kids wear you out; but there are two parents. One is deficient in their responsibilities if the other is always worn-out. It doesn't matter if he works long hours, who's penis delivered the sperm?
You feel your best when you look your best. I'm not talking made-up and dolled-up. I mean strut your stuff, and remind him you've got what it takes to replace his sorry ass. He will not be allowed to zap all your energy and steal your best years; and run-off with some chickadee. Hold your own, Missy! Stand your ground, and show some lady-power.
Reel him in, or let him go!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2017): I remember you, you were the one whos live in boyfriend has that nasty dog, the dog pees on the couch, the dog defecates in the house, and you are expect to clean it up. Your boyfriend has been disrespectful of you, he goes out without you, he doesn't take you into a consideration, he doesn't put you in his plans, he chooses his mates over you,. Why are you still with this man? The way you write sometimes it sounds like you might have a learning disability? Not to be rude, I'm trying to help. If you have a disability that keeps you from making good decisions for yourself, then you need to get help. Especially as you have two children now. And your boyfriend isn't taking care of you properly.
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A
female
reader, Slippers +, writes (6 March 2017):
I would call him out on his staring .. everyone looks at someone who's attractive it's normally, staring isn't .. it's creepy and insulting to you and his family .. say please don't stare at female like that when out with me it's insulting or next time I will walk up to them and get their phone number . You either value this or you don't .. and if you don't I think we seriously need to chat .. and I'd start adding single guys to my fb page .. not that I have one .. and wait and see what he says to that
I think your over due a discussion ..
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2017): Personally I would run for the hills . You will get a whole lot of justification type stuff about men 'just looking ' and all sorts of excuses for men's bad behaviour but imagine how men would react if we suddenly start getting our emotional needs met by other men and telll them it means nothing and we are just doing that when they are not available
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