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He's letting our relationship slide because he has to have at least 6 hours of gaming a day

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Question - (6 February 2010) 10 Answers - (Newest, 6 February 2010)
A female Australia age 30-35, anonymous writes:

My boyfriend and i have been together for over 2 years. he has recently got back into n online game, world of warcraft. he plays non stop all day - i mean wake up at 8am to play and play till 12am,

if i am at his house he will play from around 8am - 12pm, then hang with me till maybe 4 and play for another couple hours, then complain that when im around he doesnt get to play enough.

has anyone been in this situation before? i think a couple hours a day is ok but he complains even if he plays for 6 hours its not enough

he doesnt call me ever because he is busy playing, then i tell him it upsets me and he says too bad, were in a routine now (me calling him) and it works. and if i dont call him it will get to about 12 am he will call and say where have you been? why didnt you call you were prob out with another guy.

he doesnt ever want to get out and if we do he complains that he cant play.

i dont know what to do! its driving me crazy! just looking for advice from anyone in a similar situation?

View related questions: online game, world of warcraft

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A female reader, BettyBoup United Kingdom +, writes (6 February 2010):

BettyBoup agony auntHi.

I have this problem. My boyfriend loves(or is addicted to) online shooter games and plays with a group of online friends. I have the same problem. When I'm there(I'm at Uni half the year) and if we're not going out or I can't think of something to do with him, he'll go straight onto the computer and that's him for the night. The problem is, I feel guilty asking him to stop gaming and watch TV or a film with me because I feel I am taking him away from his games and making him do something he doesn't want to do.

I guess maybe we could try to plan things to do with our game addict boyfriends so they do something fun with us rather than have them complaining about watching tv when they could be gaming.

Maybe arrange a date night once a week, where he has to give you his full attention and not play games. Go out to the cinema or go for a walk or bike ride in the country. Something thats fun that you can do together.

Playing games 24/7 isn't healthy for your relationship or for his mental and physical health.

At the end of the day, the fun might wear off after a while and he won't play as much, but he shouldn't ignore your feelings around this.

Good luck

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2010):

I read about this guy and the phrase EPIC FAIL comes to mind.

Why not get out of this now? Worse than alcohol and other drugs in a way (because this doesn't physically harm or impair behavior, so people can easily deny it's a true addiction), it's quite difficult for a gaming addict to stop unless they get bored with it or find some other addiction. He might quit some day, but he's probably not going to stop for you. Hopefully by the time he's 30 he'll be over it. Or, it could get worse with time.

My advice is end this relationship and let him crack out on games all by himself. He sounds supremely immature and self centered and he's not going to grow up all of the sudden.

If more chicks dumped their immature self centered game addicted boyfriends, less guys would think this is a normal, attractive, and acceptable way to behave.

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A female reader, ~Maureen United States +, writes (6 February 2010):

WOW and games of the occultish nature may open one up to a demonic obsession. Notice, I did not use the word possession. Obsession is a case where a person gives satan an opening in their life. Satanic influence ensues and the personality is altered. They are seemingly unable to care for the people they claim to love, unable to break free from the hold of the game, act like an addicted person etc.

Now, these people may not be aware of what is happening. It is not like he cannot break free but it is difficult. Demonic influence is very hidden.

What I suggest is this:

Pray first alone. Find a prayer to St. Michael the Archangel online. Ask Jesus to deliver your boyfriend.

Talk to your boyfriend. You must be very honest with him about how he is acting and it's effects upon his life.

Tell him that you have decided to cease your relationship so he can have more time to play. (He will argue and plead)

Tell him in no uncertain terms that you will not be with someone who values a game more than real human interaction.

LEAVE.

Either he will continue to deteriorate and be unemployed...

OR

This will shake him up enough to stop that game.

God Bless

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2010):

First of WOW is a destroyer of relationships. It's an amazingly addictive game that is hard to control ones habits with. When someone is that addicted it come to the point where your worrying which he loves more, gaming or you. If it's getting this bad you need to give him a ultimatum, either he starts playing less and treating you better or you're gone. He has to treat you with respect if your relationship is ever going to work. I've actually heard of help groups for WOW addicts. You might want to check into those too before hand and offer it as an option if he says he can't play it any less. But saying 'too bad' when you express concern over your relationship means he is not taking you seriously and doesn't realize it's causing you this much stress.

Phantom Kitsune

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A female reader, Knight_in_White_Satin United Kingdom +, writes (6 February 2010):

Knight_in_White_Satin agony auntMy Boyfriend is really into his games too, fortunately not WOW or I would have gone mad when we first started going out.

How long has he been back into his gameing? If it's only been a few weeks he's still revelling in the newness of it all.

My advice is to let him get on with it whilst he's on his own but have a rule that when you're there that he stays away from the gaming, completely forbidden to touch it evenif it means that all you end up doing is watching tv together as he doesn't want to do anything else you've suggested, if he refuses you know where you stand, just walk out the door and tell him he won't be seeing you again... sorry but everyone deserves better than this. Next time he accuses you of been out with another guy tell him you were as he was too busy with his game to come with you xxx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

well not that recent.. he used to play (for a couple of years) when he was younger, and his brother started playing again so he started in november, so it has been a few months

i try to be understanding but i will never think 16 hours on a computer is healthy, and if i check my facebook profile 2 times a day he calls me "obsessed"

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A female reader, Tigerlily United States +, writes (6 February 2010):

It sounds like he's been sucked into an addiction. WOW is his crack. When you say he "recently got back into it"... how long has this been going on? A week or two? a month? Is it possible this could just be a passing phase and his addiction to it will wane soon?

I got crazy addicted to a computer game once a few years ago. I couldn't stop playing, I would stay up all night! But it was just a phase and eventually it lost it's hold on me and I stopped. Can you give him a little more time to get it out of his system?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks for the replies.. today is my birthday so im thinking what better day to try talk about it.. if he isnt understanding even on my birthday i guess i know what to do..

i was thinking of trying to make some sort of arrangement like when im around only playing for 1 hour a day, but now that one of his mates is playing he wants to play all the time.

i have told him he puts the game before us and he just says "yeah right no i dont"

also when im at his house he will say what do u want to do today? and if i dont know he will go play until i pick something to do, and when i suggest things he generally says he doesnt want to do them, so i sit at his house watching tv while he plays and then its my fault cos i didnt know what i wanted to do, when he can never come up with anything

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia +, writes (6 February 2010):

Aunty BimBim agony auntSure seems like he isnt adding anything to your life, WOW takes precedence over you, how does that make you feel?

I would run, not walk, far, far away and find somebody who is interested in having a relationship with a flesh and blood person not a game controller.

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A female reader, starfairy United Kingdom +, writes (6 February 2010):

starfairy agony auntThink about reasons you would want to stay with him.....Not things he used to do, but things he does for you now. There didn't seem many reasons to me from what I read above. He's in a relationship with his crappy little game, not you. Why should you put your life on hold and hang around waiting for him to finish gaming? You shouldn't...He was spot on about one thing, you SHOULD be out with another guy lol...Leave him!

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