A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey, I have a guy problem but both guys and girls are welcome to answer. I’m 16 and a committed Christian, at my church there is an 18 year old guy who I am crazy about. My brother, who is friends with this guy, thinks that he’s too old but that’s not really the issue. He’s amazing. I see the bad in him too – how can you have a successful relationship without that? Nevertheless he is amazing whilst being modest (sometimes down on himself? I think we could work and sometimes think he could like me too but I just don’t know. Our mutual friends think I should tell him – not only because they think there’s a chance but also they see that it gets me down and they know I need the closure. I’ve listened to them but I still don’t know what to do. My concerns are that: he is really shy and kind and I don’t want him to feel in any way awkward, embarrassed or obliged to do something about it. I don’t really feel that he’s ready for a relationship which really worries me. He’d make a great boyfriend but doesn’t realize it. He’s taking a gap year in March to Peru which causes problems – I know it isn’t very soon but after that he’ll be going to university and I’ll be stuck at home. Does anyone have any comment as to what I could do? And don’t tell me to get over it – I’ve spent almost a year and a half trying that approach. Thank you xx
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male
reader, Aech135  +, writes (8 January 2009):
 If you decide to pursue a relationship with this guy your going to need to be prepared to not see for long periods of time where you will probably be worrying about how he's doing and whats going on in his life not to mention worries about what he might be doing while at college. A long distance relationship is not easy. It requires A LOT of work and communication especially since not seeing the person for such long periods of time can cause you to drift apart and then feel smothered when you are together. I've been in one before and can honestly say I wouldn't ever do it again if I could help it, but I've also had friend who have had relationships like yours that worked very well for them because of who they were and how much they cared about each other. My opinion is that in the short time your going to have together before he goes to university you probably won't have time to establish the kind of bonds you're going to need to sustain you through the long periods of time apart However that also depends on how far away he's going and how often you would be able to visit each other when he's away. As far as him being a shy guy that just means that you'll probably have to be very blunt with how you feel about him and may have to work with him to bring him out of his shell. Also be prepared if you do pursue a relationship with a very shy guy that they can be extremely clingy because their insecurities will cause them to worry about if their making you happy. I used to be very very shy around girls to the point that I didn't date until I entered college so I can understand his shyness and and his feeling poorly about himself. As far as your being a compatible couple I can't say. Your friends may be a better judge of that but also keep in mind that friends don't always know what their talking about. You can try to make a relationship with him work and it could work out very well for both of you but the distance and difference in lifestyle (university is very different lifestyle than school before it) could cause difficulties. If you do decide to get involved with him I would suggest taking it slow and seeing how the distance affects the both of you before just jumping headlong into very mature situations.
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