A
female
age
51-59,
*ewhope
writes:My ex partner and I had a rocky relationship for around 3 years. I moved out last November after it became impossible to live together. I found it difficult to bond with his daughter ( I have two sons from my marriage) and found it difficult to relax and cope within the household. I went to counselling to try an work out my issues etc but the counsellor maintained that even though I had admitted so much on my part that he too was partly to blame. This resulted in numerous arguments which my ex blames me for and whilst I take responsibility for a lot of what went wrong, he was not perfect and had issues and anger problems of his own. I have never felt this out of my depth with any other relationship and I found it so difficult to communicate and did some crazy stupid things as a result of my frustration. After I moved out I went all out to try and rectify what I did wrong and have even had hypnotherapy to help me become a better person and recognise my failings. Thing is my ex took a new job in January this year and has done very long hours and is tired and he also says its all still very raw for him. I have found out a few things out ( from his friend) and he has not always told me the truth about things yet still expects me to trust him 100%. He has to move out of the local area temporarily to see his daughter as her mother has now got more residency . He blames me for so much, yet says he has forgiven me but he will not allow me to bring up any of his faults or failings without him throwing everything I have done back at me !! When I have already acknowledged and worked on so much. This does not mean I should not be able to call him out on his bad stuff though. He is so good at diversion, deflecting and minimising the things that aren't good about him. I have suggested couple counselling and he says he'll go but nothing gets organised and I just get told he needs to sort out work and moving etc . We did sort of see each other off and on over the last 6 months or so but this is mainly been instigated by me and when I try to get him to understand that perhaps he wasn't always right in his thinking and wasn't always honest with me, he just gets angry and tells me all the stuff I did . So he says he still wants us to be together again one day, when we can live somewhere in between the childrens' schools but he is not wanting to see me at the moment and doesn't like talking about what happened saying it was in the past and should only be talked about in counselling !! When all ive tried to do is make things better . So what do I do ? Ive practically had to distance myself from him because it hurts but I also think he's keeping me hanging on until he is ready, which I'm not sure is fair. He can't expect me to keep waiting for something I'm not even sure will ever work again but he says he still loves me.
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female
reader, newhope +, writes (3 September 2016):
newhope is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you. .
I have tried to talk to him about the near future but he says what I did is still raw and he cant cope with me talking about the past and putting pressure on him to deal with our issues. How do think I should approach him about how he sees the next 6 months etc and once he has moved . He just says once he has moved he'll have less pressure on him but I think he should be able to give me some idea of whats happening . Every time I try to talk to him we end up going round in circles and he withdraws further.
A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (3 September 2016):
On a very positive note ..Well done You.you have done you utmost,seeking help,admitting at some level that you were in the wrong,trying to talk to him about it...you can do no more.But as you know it takes 2 people in a relationship,and its looks to me you are on your own..with respect.The way this man is dealing with the situation is [1] Everything is on his terms,there is no regards for your feelings at all.[its very easy for him to say that he still love you,when he is getting everything his own way][2]There is no give and take with him..its his way or no way.[3]Very unfair of him to try to keep you hanging on for a future that might never happen.[4]There is Only one person that he loves and that is himself.I can understand this is all very hurtful for you .However,first choice is to take very good care of yourself and your sons and consider making a life without this man.[2] Have an indept talk with him,asking him what he wants for the Near future with you or without you and no long drawn talk about sometime.The question you will have to ask yourself are you willing/able to walk away from this man....think about this answer in a very careful fashion.Remember you are treated,the way YOU allow people to treat you.Kind regards NORA B.
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