A
female
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anonymous
writes:I hope someone can help me as Im driving myself insane. Basically, 5 years ago I met Jay. I went out with him for 6 months, started to really like him but he didnt feel the same and he left me for someone else. I never got over him really even tho he hurt me I still wanted him back. Then earlier this year, he split with his gf and we got back together. This time I realised we werent really right for each other, we didnt have the same sense of humour and I annoyed him easily. So when he split with me again, I thought I would be fine but again, Im heartbroken. Everday, I wake up thinking of him and think of him non-stop til I go to sleep. His girlfriends he has had since me I have started arguments with them cos I cant handle him bein with anyone else. When I think about it, I cant even pinpoint what exactly it is that I liked about him. Hes not nice looking and he never made me happy, I was such a doormat with him he walked all over me. He was really nasty to me at times. Hes hurt me more than anyone so why cant I just hate him?? Why do I want him back? Its not an esteem issue. Ive been told MANY times that Im too good for him and I know that I am. Im very independant and Im never short of offers for dates. Everyone who knows me and him always says Im way too good for him. Why cant I just forget him and move on?The only thing I can think that still attracts me to him is the sex we had. It wasnt amazing but it felt special. There was a connection, which we didnt have in normal everyday life. Now Im driving myself mad...is this love, lust or an obsession? And what can I do about it?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2008): I don't know how old you are, but sounds like very young. You don't have to hate him, just try to develop more indifferent attitude toward him. You experiencing unnecessary torture all the time. May be you have a little obsessive personality, and need to get some help. The older you get and understand more you won't get obsessed about anyone anymore, let things take their natural course.I learned not to fight anyones personal quality, I have nothing to do with it. I learned not to take things personally, and accept things the way they are. You get what you see, and don't try to change anything.You already recognized that that guy didn't treat you properly, that's the end of story. Relationship is over, there is no coming back. Have your fun with your life, there are so many guys out there who will treat you right. Good luck.
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female
reader, Tigerlily  +, writes (15 November 2008):
It's not love. it's obsession. Think about what you really want from love, from a man. Is the way this guy treats you that? If not then you need to realize that you deserve better and let him go.
I have a trick I use when I can't get a guy out of my head. Schedule a time to think about him. Say to yourself... from 8-9 pm I will totally think ALL about him. But not until then, and not until after. Focus on something else. That way you start to get your mind into a different place. Start dating. Flirt your butt off. Get different guys in your brain. Go out with friends. Stop moving in circles that put you in touch with this guy. Let go.
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