A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half we have a 5 month old baby together.the first time he hit me was when i was a couple months pregnant i had never been in that situation before i felt as if my life was about to end thats how bad it was but i had no marks.With the first episode i forgave him and gave him a second chance because he was drunk and swore to quit drinking which he did the odd time we had a few drinks together.the second time was just as bad if not worst we went away for the weekend and i was sick and he found out about some guy calling me(which was nothing ) he bought me a pack of smokes thats it.I know it looked bad and that was my fault but he took it to a different level.He had me up till nine in the morning arugguing he broke the ring he gave me he through a lit cigeratted down my shirt he pushed me around he broke my phone he through me outside with no shoes or socks or money and i was in a different city 1hr 30 mins away middle of the night.he brought me back in kept harrasing me in the bathroom pulling my hair slappin the back of my head.the third time was just the other day i went to my friends house and he went to his he knew there was a lil party which he never let me go ne where like that before so i was happy he trusted me he came ot pick me up and started fighting with my friends bfs friend i got upset and he apoligized for me we left to go back to my house and everything was okay and out of no where he started yeelling at me sayin i was dancing for these guys this and that but that wasnt true and tried to say he saw it and he kept hitting me in my head and face i had some what of a lil black eye and a bump on my head ..he was drunk everytime and has told me he is going to stop cause he doesnt like who he is when he drinks. should i believe him ive heard it before if hes drunk and something tiks him off its always my fault some how.he has lied to me a lot like sex with another woman while i was out of the province with his son gettin surgery(we were split up)only for that month(but he lied and denied to me) i just wanted to know the truth i couldnt be mad for him cheating cause he didnt.He has lied about A LOT which ive caught him at it a lot yesterday i was on facebook and recieved and honesty box comment and it said who cares your f*****g ugly and i was upset about that and i told him that and he swore to me he didnt do it so i got onto his fb seen he had no sent msgs but i replied to da comment and there was my comment in his honesty box app followed along with the msg he sent me saying im f*****g ugly..that hurt like why would he say that then when i go to leave him he breaks down crying and beggin.What does this mean?i know he will stop drinking he has done it before should i stay with him if he quits drinking? i remmeber a few times of him being sober and almost hiting me and pushin me around.I have no freedom and i cant have friends at lease not ones he doesnt like and we had a 3 sum and now since then when im with another girl he always tells me to kiss her and take it from there(this has happened 1ce after the 3 sum because she da only one ive seen after it)hes very interested in 3 sums now and i feel very unattractive to him even though he seems to enjoy my sex very much. he always wants to have sex with me but im jsut confused.The thing is is after he hits me it doesnt even bother me that much after . its never a surprize from him now.I feel i have no choice with him but i love him so much and im willing to make it work between us but how do i do that and is it a wise decision?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, grays  +, writes (1 February 2010):
if he really really loves you and you punished him for his actions and he still wants you back. I think he will never do it again. Im talking from experience.
I did the same thing i was emotional and angry and didn't know how to control my feelings and it slipped out. She left me a few times and i always kept saying this and that but the last time i really realized that i love this person to much . She thought me a lesson she really made me believe that i actually lost her forever for what i done, I never touched that person ever again to this date because i realized i loved her forever and she loves me too. Now we are married and have 3 kids together. If you want to make it work you have to teach him a lesson like i said before. These people talking and posting haven't experienced it or been threw it they have no clue. After you make it seem like he lost you for good see if he still wantsyou back if he still trys to get you back if he is hurt, i was hurt so bad i didn't know what to do with myself. If he really loves you he will stop and change. If my wife didn't take me back i really wouldn't know where i would be right now maybe dead and buried.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2010): your all right and iam going to leave him because i know this isnt rightt..and i have wanted to leave him even though i love him..thank uall very much u helped more than u think
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A
male
reader, Honest Answer +, writes (18 January 2010):
 If he is hitting you now, it will only get worse. Get out while you can. You are worth it! And if not for you, for your kids.
Good Luck!
Jeff
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (18 January 2010):
You can't change him, you can't make it work. You need to leave for the sake of your child. Please don't make the mistake of staying in a violent relationship thinking this man can change. He can't.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2010): You are going to ruin your child's life if you stay with this man.
If you want things to get better, then leave. Do not expect him to change.
If you stay with him, even if you love him, you are being selfish enough to allow your daughter to enter into that abuse as well.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (18 January 2010):
 Classic wife-beating behavior.
Classic beaten-wife reaction.
When a shark is biting your leg off, you do not negiotate, you do not seek to analyze its motivations, you get the hell away.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2010): Hello. The question shouldnt be.....should you stay with him IF he stops drinking. The question should be.....why are you with a drunken bully who is hitting you? You cant MAKE it work with him. He has to decide to clean up his act and thats something you cant do for him. There is one VERY important thing you can do though. You can leave him. For the sake of your child. What you are describing is horrific and if you love your child, surely you want a better life for him or her than the one they will have....watching you being beaten up by a drunk. How long before the child angers him when hes drunk and he starts hitting out at your child? You have a responsibility to your child, not this man who doesnt even respect you, let alone love you. He only has to turn on the tears and you stay. Aim higher than a cry baby drunk. Leave him before he does something really dangerous and your child is harmed/taken away from you. Its your choice if you want to stay in harms way. But as a mother you have a duty to protect your child from danger.
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