A
female
age
30-35,
*etish
writes:My boyfriend and I been going through some shit lately. He's having sex with someone else, but he finds no problem telling me about it. He tells me it's only because of the kids he loves me, so it's best if we keep just a friendly relationship. When I do and I associate myself with other guys he gets jealous. He hits and cries and tells me he loves me, while he continues 2 have affairs. He thinks I'm havin sex outside also, but no I just chill with these guys trying to keep my mind off him. We live together, and every day he reminds me we're through. If I watch another guy for too long he becomes abusive. He thinks that I should be okay with him having other females. Should I just forget about him and try to move on? or maybe I should just try talking again to him? I mean I really do love him...
View related questions:
affair, jealous, move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Fetish +, writes (2 March 2009):
Fetish is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIts really good that other people feel my pain. I do try to forget about him,sometimes i even run away from the stress. However i keep runnin back when he starts actin all emotional. I tell myself i'm doing it for the kids. I would just love to see them growing up amongst their mom & dad......happily that is.When i do act like i'm over him, & i try not to notice him, he acts out & says ''yuh having sex with another man or something''. Its hard for me to get up & move on because i just keep tellin myself he'll change.And sad to say it works for a little while an then everything's back to basic.I do thank u guys for the support,i mean it's great knowin u can talk to someonelse about your problems.I'm just givin him one more chance to change, just for the kids & for love's sake.I'll keep u guys posted,& again thanks for the advice. It really was touching......Wish me luck....
A
female
reader, anon642  +, writes (28 February 2009):
 Hello:)Staying together just for the sake of the kids is plain wrong. They can pick up on atmosphere and tension from a very very young age.I know that you said that he loves you ''just for the kids''..i'm sorry but what does this mean? He should love his children infinitely no matter what. Both of your priorities are the children you have brought into this world. So this means that whatever state your relationship is in, it shouldn't affect your children..they need a mum and a dad they can rely on.Anyway.. Yes you should keep a friendly relationship because you have children together, but if he is going around sleeping with other women then he obviously doesn't have much respect for you. I'm sorry but it sounds like he wants to sleep with women..but keep you under his wing and control you. That is wrong.A relationship is based on many things..but most importantly..TRUST..HONESTY..COMMITMENT.You obviously cannot trust him because he openly admits he's sleeping with other women.Honesty? Yes he's being honest about the fact he's having sex with other people and he's also being honest when he says that the relationship is over..however he is still trying to control you by getting abusive when you try and meet new people for yourself.As for commitment..well its pretty obvious he isn't committed to you.Honey what i'm trying to say is that it looks like your relationship is over. I understand that you love him but he doesn't show you any respect..he sleeps with other women and he doesn't like you talking to other men. This isn't fair on you or your children.In reply to 'Should I just forget about him and try to move on? or maybe I should just try talking again to him?' Then all i can say is i think you should talk to him and tell him that it isn't right what he is doing to you, does he want his children growing up and thinking that if they are not happy in a relationship they should just go out and sleep with other people?Forget him honey, he quite clearly isn't putting any effort into your relationship so why should you? I would try to forget him and move on.Remember, your children are your number one priority..you want them to grow up thinking that men and women can have wonderful relationships together, not that if they have children then they have to stay together.I hope this helps, all the best :) x
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2009): if you think that this is the best decision, do it because if he's hitting you and the kids are are aware of it, it's not only detrimental to their family life but to their ideas of what their future relationships should look like.As long as your sure that he will continue to play a positive and necessary role in the life of your children I say: why not?because seeing mommy and daddy with 12323413 other people can be confusing especially for small children.
...............................
A
female
reader, lillymay  +, writes (28 February 2009):
 hello,i really do feel for u as this is something i have been through myself.y do u not feel that u deserve more from a man,because u do.if he thinks the things he is doing is fine then im sorry but he will never ever change.its a very difficult thing to come to terms with but u have to.u should be the one to end it,take your life back under your control.if u think u will not be able to cope maybe some councilling for u would be an idea.i was with an abbusive man who cheated on me all the time and it broke my heart in 2 to laeve him but if i didnt my life would be a mess now as it was when i was with him.i want u to take the control back from him,u end the relationship,go shopping buy lots of new clothes,arrange some nites out with close friends that will be a support to u.it may all sound very simple but i promise u if u do this and show this man that u r better than the way he treats u,by taking control of your life,it will make him sit up and take notice.he will then respect u and probably want u to come back to him,DONT.MOVE ON AND MEET NEW PEOPLE.please keep me informed as to how things develope.good luck,BE STRONG.so u no,ayear after i broke up with my abbusive boyfriend,i met the man who treats me with respect,he is a great father and takes care of me.we have been togther 4 years now.i wouldnt settle 4 any old guy,and who i ended up with is the man of my dreams.lillymay
...............................
|
