A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay so I've been with my boyfriend now for a year and a couple of months and he is perfect for me... apart from him making me orgasm. Firstly we are both hard to please. I mean it literally. He rarely cums during sex and I never have. When I say I never have I mean never during sex with anyone. To be really open about this, I'm a clitoris type of girl and even though vaginal sex is breathtaking I never do hit that orgasm unless I rub myself (and even that takes a while) but it's worth it. The problem is when he just decides to give up and literally leaves me hanging.So, lots of foreplay then we have sex and we do lots of positions and get ourselves quite fired up and then without warning he'll stop because he's tired and will start to masturbate himself. He's the only person that I've felt comfortable with to actually masturbate infront of so it doesn't bother me that much. We talk dirty to each other and make up fantasies and we'll caress eachother often.... and then he'll cum and that's it......Literally he will finish, sigh, then turn away from me and fall asleep. And for those of you who know the feeling, you know that it will drive a person to go crazy. He used to help me all the way and then about a couple of months ago he just started doing this! And when the occasion was that I had cum before him, I always (and still do) help him to finish.It sends me really mixed signals when he decides to just leave me and fall asleep. I know that I take a while to cum but it's not like I ask him to help me all the time. Everytime we have sex, (2-3 times we see eachother) he cums afterwards but I only like to cum once... just once.What's worse is that when he gets all horny and I don't want to help he goes into a massive hissy fit saying 'You can't wind me up and not finish the job'. It really makes me want to rip my hair out! I bought a vibrator a few months back so it would speed up me having an orgasm but he absolutely hates me when I use it during sex. I'm not a lazy girlfriend, I don't just lie down and let him get on with it. I go out and I buy loads of sexy lingerie and I do silly dressing up things that I'm really uncomfortable with and sometimes when he just gives up it honestly makes me feel like a whore and I hate it. I've talked to him about it and he knows that I don't like it because I go nuts at him when he decides not to bother.What can I do? Am I being selfish? I love him so much and the sex is amazing and he is just amazing. I just don't want him to think that I'm not worth it and that he can get away with it. Any advice welcome!!!
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clitoris, foreplay, horny, orgasm, vagina, vibrator Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (16 May 2011):
 Are you being selfish? No. Is he? Yes. Its disheartening when someone leaves you hanging like that. You probably love him a lot but this type of thing can lead to feelings of resentment. I would sit down and talk to him, let him know how you feel when he rolls over and falls asleep. Let him know that you're feeling unsatisfied. Let him know that its not fair that he gets his but you never get yours.
If he doesn't start to change after speaking to him, its up to you whether you want to stay frustrated like this for the rest of your time with him, or leave.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2011): I would recommend keeping one hand on yourself while your with him so you get twice the effect and getting on top of him so he can't just roll over and leave you to your own devices. Secondly if your on top you can grind his his hips into yours to help you get an orgasm going.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (16 May 2011):
 Well, even if you are 21-years-old or so, you are still very young. But you are not at all being selfish in wanting your boyfriend to attend to your sexual needs. Not every guy, especially about that age, knows all that much about it - and neither did I back then - but knowledge and information today is much more disseminated, such as on this Web site.
My best advice, as he is apparently not already including in your sex lives, is to explore oral sex for you. It's properly called "cunnilingus." If he were to energetically study and apply the techniques, you would very likely be extremely satisfied, but you also mentioned he tires of it all and masturbates himself. That's not a good sign at all. Best wishes.
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