A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a boyfriend right now that I live with him already for 8 months, at the beginning he already told me that he had a cold-heart, he don't give a dump to the feeling of others, but I love this guy so I did my best to have a good relationship with him, but its too hard for me to adjust.He has a wife back home but i understand it and i choose to stay with him and he give me everything even I don't ask, and after his work he just stays at home never goes out with friends but even his there, we never talk that much, we just watch tv together.We never had a big arguments, sometimes, if I get hurt I just text him what I felt or stay quit then if anger pass, I talk to him what I felt, sometimes he apologize and sometimes don't give me a dump, but when I attempt to break up with him he don't want it and don't want me to leave his place.Now he's home with his wife and he just call me once and text me once in a blue moon, sometimes I text him he easily get irritated if I will make a little dramas, How can I deal with it, and please give advice towards his feeling on me, if he really love me or just playing around.
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female
reader, Pola  +, writes (17 July 2009):
 My problem on asking women for advice is that, first of all SOME of them are not being honest with themselves. lol. for instance they're start judging people like they are perfect. Remember I said SOME not all women.2nd of all, A lot of Females are hypocrites. I said that because they are alrady a victim of loosing their X-husbands over other woman. Their advices are outrageous and very selfish. Not so honest. That's why when they give out advice to people who are involved with a commited man, they're calling them all kinds of names.for example, you are a second hand you this you that.From my perspective, all these answers are night blurred vision. Sometimes they blame the husband as a cheater but all of a sudden a man of respect who got family values and integrity just because he stands by his wife occasionally, such as on chistmas, new year or when there is a bad storm. Now as for the wife they compare her as as a queen and innocent victim, although some women are evil in a marriage. I agree with the part of when there is children involve but who to blame???Now come on people what type of critical thinking is that? where are you standing exactly?The point is, you are blaming the wrong person. Then again few of, as you call "other woman", are ignorant and naive. There is a lot of lies going on. When a married man approches a single female, he make sure he convince her to fall in his trap. Get yourself in a trap is not easy to get out. Once you believe in something it's gona be difficult to walk away from it. Pleas when you're giving out advice about a situation like that, be kind when you encourage the person to wake up and smell the coffe. Remember they are the "victims". They need help from someone who is not trapped. we,the untrapped, can help them out, assist them in getting out, disarming the traps. Remember, they are looking for help. Thank you very much
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2009): My problem on asking women for advice is that, first of all SOME of them are not being honest with themselves. lol. for instance they're start judging people like they are perfect. Remember I said SOME not all women.
2nd of all, A lot of Females are hypocrites. I said that because they are alrady a victim of loosing their X-husbands over other woman. Their advices are outrageous and very selfish. Not so honest. That's why when they give out advice to people who are involved with a commited man, they're calling them all kinds of names.for example, you are a second hand you this you that.
From my perspective, all these answers are night blurred vision. Sometimes they blame the husband as a cheater but all of a sudden a man of respect who got family values and integrity just because he stands by his wife occasionally, such as on chistmas, new year or when there is a bad storm.
Now as for the wife they compare her as as a queen and innocent victim, although some women are evil in a marriage. I agree with the part of when there is children involve but who to blame???
Now come on people what type of critical thinking is that? where are you standing exactly?
The point is, you are blaming the wrong person. Then again few of, as you call "other woman", are ignorant and naive.
There is a lot of lies going on. When a married man approches a single female, he make sure he convince her to fall in his trap. Get yourself in a trap is not easy to get out. Once you believe in something it's gona be difficult to walk away from it.
Pleas when you're giving out advice about a situation like that, be kind when you encourage the person to wake up and smell the coffe. Remember they are the "victims". They need help from someone who is not trapped. we,the untrapped, can help them out, assist them in getting out, disarming the traps.
Remember, they are looking for help.
Thank you very much
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A
female
reader, asian tealeaf  +, writes (25 May 2009):
 sweety, bluntly put, when he was in ur country, he had needs, basic primal carnal needs, and u were there to fulfill them.as he has no "wedding vows" to u, he has no obligations so to speak, with u. although he has cheated with his wife, he will go back to her. because, home is, as they say, where the hearth is.naturally, he will not want drama with u, it may be that his wife does not know of his indiscretions, and u are the " outside threat" to his family.he will keep a tiny thread of attachment to u, but only just, to keep u where he wants u, so if he does return, he has u again, to fulfill his needs. why women are dumb enough to mess with married men is beyond me.... while there is much competition out there for good men,is it not clue enough when a man , or woman, has attachments and vows, that should right away be enough to say, sorry. i dont steal from another persons home. ie" parnter, spouse?if we as aspecies hate such to be inflicted upon us, then why would we do to another such grief? and, even if that person is unhappy with their marriage or relationship, should we not be smart enough to say, sorry ur unhappy, but i wont be with u, and if ur that unhappy, and u do want to be with me, then approach me with an annulment and we can go from there? i do know of an older couple, who met under such circumstances, the man was married the woman was unattached, he thought she was the most beautiful creature on earth and wanted to be with her. they had never had sex of course. she would not allow it to go any further then a mere friendship, however he was not really into his wife hed married so she said, come back if ur serious with an annulment in ur hands, otherwise i refuse to wreck a marriage, although luckily there were no kids in the relationship. so he stopped talking to her, although he promised hed return. 3 months later, he showed up with an annulment signed and everything. and they were married soon after that and they have been together for 35 years since.i suggest to every person out there, this is the ONLY way u will ever be successful in being with someone who is otherwise attached. and the only true way of knowing if their intentions are sincere! dont u ever think, hmm, how would his wife feel if she knew of his indiscretions? the grief, the pain? she has invested her life and love, supposedly, into the man u had messed round with. giving him her loyalties and serving his needs while hes with her...maybe even having gone thru childbirth for him, giving him a part of her she has no intentions otherwise of giving to any other man? and then a woman like urself, however and whatever ur intentions were, comes along, KNOWING full well hes married, and STILL, goes ahead and has sex with him multiple times, falling in love with him, LIVING TOGETHER....where does it all end? if u had been smart enough in the beginning, u should rather of been horrified and disgusted that this sort of man even had the balls to throw away his vows momentarily, and without second thought.. this should of been more then enough warning to u, that he would also have no regard for u as well, as breaking hearts seems to be of no consenquence to him. its like knowing a person has physically or sexually abused their wife, beating the living shit out of them, but u still go ahead and profess ur undying love to that person, thinking it will be different with u. whatever gave u the idea u would be any different? its sad, but its the bottom line. its the most honest statement a person can provide u dear. leave ur pain behind. forgive urself for ur indiscretion with him. move on. and vow to never let this happen again to urself, or even any one else. and if u had a friend or sibling u cared much for and knew their spouse was cheating, would u not want to tell them? if ur husband was cheating, the man u loved with all ur heart, would u want the comfort of believing hes always faithful to u? that even if temptation were to come into his face, u could have faith hed walk away, not even looking back, because he loves u so dearly? think about this logically. and know deep down that everything i have said to u is from the bottom of my heart, and its as true as it gets. walk away. hold ur head up. and dont ever let some guy use u like that agin, nor allow urself to potentially wreck an innocent fsmily. good luck
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A
female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (25 May 2009):
 Sweetheart you say he has a wife back home, where is he from and why is he not with you?
I personally think he is getting what he wants from you and his wife, he obviously doesn't want contact from you when he is at home with his wife as I am not sure from how you have written whether the wife knows what is going on with you both.
You say you have lived together for 8 months, is he in the army/air force and staying in the Phillipines and then went back to the USA or something? Just a bit confused here.
I am not convinced there is love there, he has somewhere to sleep at nights and watches TV, that isn't love - that is convenience by the sounds of things.
If I can help any further I will but need a bit more info from you if possible.
BFN
Country Woman
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A
male
reader, docmikke +, writes (25 May 2009):
he wants his wife. and your a gap filler. leave him and move on.
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