A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok ,I'm totally confused here .I will try and cut a long story short .I net a guy online ,we totally hit it off and I didn't jump into bed with him straight away .I'm very impulsive so it was hard for me .we had a great time and he's always asking planning what we can do next .I'm always positive and agree .I have a six year old son so its sometimes difficult for me to get out but we have managed to see each other regularly .we have been intimate on two occasions and before ,during and after he's so affectionate and loving .he Cuddles me kisses me ,tells me I'm a gorgeous woman .he puts his head in my lap and kisses my head etc .the last time I saw him was under a week and he said the sex was amazing and that he would text me and we could go to the cinema and away for the weekend .I will tell u a few other important things .he told me his dad was abusive to him and his mum ,sister ,brother.I've noticed he drinks a lot too and he also told me he was behind on his rent .he pays for everything when we go out even when I offer .he says I'm an amazing woman a brilliant mother and appears real .now he's gone distant and I haven't heard from him in 5 days .I feel he's distanced himself and I'm gutted because I thought he was a good guy .should I leave him to contact me after I sent him a short text .was he playing me ? I always seem to get drawn in by these men .its not the first time I've been treated like this .
View related questions:
text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (2 August 2013):
 OP, same here re gravitating towards troubled men. You can't fix them.
You don't need someone with financial woes, mental health issues and who is inconsistent. You just don't.
Good luck and put yourself first x
A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (2 August 2013):
OP, same here re gravitating towards troubled men. You can't fix them.
You don't need someone with financial woes, mental health issues and who is inconsistent. You just don't.
Good luck and put yourself first x
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell he did text me a week later (today )saying sorry but he's been a bit depressed lately because he's broke .he says his just been offered a contract so things are looking up.I'm glad I've finally heard from him but I really think he's got too many issues and I always tend to gravitate towards troubled men but this time I HAVE to be strong and NOT get involved any further .
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2013): Men do love the thrill of the chase. I've dealt with my fair
share of game players who have nothing to offer. Some guys
can be sincere and treat you well, but others are in it just for sex and they test you out especially in the beginning.
But I test them too just to see what it is leading to. I have had to let a few guys go and the one I like a lot I am still
hung up on him but I am trying to keep busy. Take care of yourself and your son. That is the most important thing and everything else will fall into place. If another guy comes
along play it cool and just have fun with no expectations.
...............................
A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (30 July 2013):
Ok I make no apologies for keeping on posting links to this Baggage Reclaim website because I think it's amazing and possibly relevant to you, so please read these posts:
http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/boomerang-relationships-the-yo-yo-girl/
http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/30-signs-that-someone-isnt-interested-or-is-half-heartedly-interested-in-you-how-to-avoid-being-a-passing-time-candidate/
It might not apply to you, but you mention that you always get drawn in by a certain type of man. This is why I'm giving you the links.
Red flags with this guy are: drinks too much; financially irresponsible; making plans for future (future faking); suddenly becoming unavailable (ignoring you for 5 days - unless he's in a coma, this is unacceptable). Go through the checklist in the second list.
Please don't contact him again. If he contacts you, he better have a damn good reason for going AWOL.
All the best x
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2013): What can I add not a lot after what ' wise owl ' stated and totally on the ball.. Just to high light again . Your main priority is to your son .. He needs stability not lots of men coming and going .. You sound like a lovely mum but its easy to get carried away at times..Set yourself a goal ' no sex'. Say to yourself every time you go out on a date ' if I ain't got a ring, they don't get a thing' and mean it..The guys got major issues rent, lack of money, alcohol an abusive past to name just a few that your aware of.. He may be a lovely guy but these are complications you don't need.. As mental health nurse , abuse leaves more baggage than weaverly station and that my honey you can do without..See it as an learning experience .. He treated you real nice when out, keep those standards with your next date . But don't don't get into bed before you know all about who your getting..Take care.. Tread carefully.. X
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2013): The man is broke and he spent his rent entertaining you.
He has a possible drinking problem; because he has troubles.
What does it take for some people to see the red-flags?
He was a date. Just a date. A temporary companion, and you got a moment of intimacy with a man. That is by no means a love affair. So put your feelings on hold.
He enjoys your company, but he sees you getting way too close. Hopefully, he sees the total picture and doesn't lead you on.
You have a son. He doesn't need the complications of a potentially woeful relationship between his mother and some wayward guy.
Don't put your desperation and neediness ahead of your child; and your commonsense, Missy!
Don't go out on dates with men, with your feelings hanging out. You have to be choosey.
You have to look out for a boy who depends on you to have good judgment. The mistakes you make could affect him as well. This guy has financial problems, drinks too much, and he disappears for five days. Good riddance!
He did you a big favor. You have time to stop and think.
Weigh the pros and cons, and get your hormones under control. Think with your head, and not your vagina.
Take your time. Date a few men just for fun, and to check out all your options.
Don't stop at the first one that makes you feel good. In your case, you can't lower your standards. He has to be around both you and your son.
He has to have the best of character, he should be financially stable, and you should withhold your emotions until you know who you're dealing with.
I must be earnest with you. You're letting you better judgment be clouded by a few smooth moves. Your son needs a good male role model, and you need a good man. Settle for no less.
For your son's sake, I hope the guy never returns. Mummy isn't thinking straight right now.
Get a grip, Lady!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2013): The best thing to do is give him his space. Often men pull away after sex. Although this isn't fair and if he was truly ready for a commited relationship he would be calling. Give it some time and see what happens. Do not contact him. Let him wonder about you.
If you often get these game players. Try not to act needy or to available at the beginning of a relationship, men like to chase and I think it's in there instruct. I am speaking with experience.
...............................
|
