A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, any advice given would be greatly appreciated. I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and 7 months, we got together at the young age of 17. The relationship was obviously a teenage fling at first but now we've grown into our adult years together and it's become more serious. However, for the last year/year and a half I would say the relationship had been dead, the sex has gone, the attraction and lust has disappeared and what is left are two people that are together out of convenience, that do love each other as people, and are plodding on through life. I've recently qualified as a nurse, and I'm now doing my midwifery training whilst he's just been taken on in his trade and is doing well.So sometimes I feel like where both together because its the safest option. We both have our careers, cars, money and live a comfortable life. Therefore when I consider moving on from this relationship I am held back, due to the fact my current boyfriend is a safe option. He has a good career, loving family who I get on very well with and he does his best to make me as happy as possible.I've never had a close girl best friend, never had the girls holidays or nights out due to always having a boyfriend and choosing to spend my life with him. Until recently, I've become really close friends with a girl on my course, and have just come back from our first girls holiday together. I had the best time of my life, and did not think about my boyfriend for the whole duration. I did not cheat, as I am a firm believer that my boyfriend is not forcing me to be with him, therefore If I want to stray I should have the respect to leave first. But I did enjoy the male attention I received, the freedom and the general laughs I've had.So I guess I'm lost. Do I stay with someone I am no longer in love with because its a safe option and convenient? Do I leave the relationship and start enjoying my twentys with my girlfriends and make up for my lost teenage years before life gets more serious? Am I only having these relationship doubts because I've had a taster of what my life could be without my boyfriend? If I hadn't of had the girls holiday I probably would of stayed plodding through life and making do with the relationship I had, and now that ideas of a single life have been brought into my mind I'm scared of what my future could hold. Sorry for rambling, I just feel lost, confused and unsure on what I should do for the best future. Thanks in advance.
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female
reader, MsSadie  +, writes (30 July 2013):
 You know, there's nothing wrong with being single. And you're young enough that you have plenty of time before settling down and having kids.
That said, I hope that you know that no long-term relationship is going to feel magical and give you butterflies forever. If you're looking for a constant spark, you're never going to find it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2013): You know the answer, and you know what is right. You do not hold on to a person you do not love; and only use for your convenience.
You speak of fidelity and all your other virtues; why isn't honesty one of them?
How is making a guy think you love him, when you don't, okay?
How is living a total lie the right thing to do?
Using other people is never an option. Just breakup and leave.
Find the situation that suits you best, under the proper and acceptable conditions. Not because it assures you security. He will realize it is a dead-end relationship; and leave you anyway, at some point. So why not just get it done and over with?
Be true to yourself. Get out and enjoy the single life. Don't feel guilty about it. Don't live a make-believe life to make anyone else happy. You will not be a villain for setting yourself free.
Be gentle, but let him know it's over. He is probably waiting for you to make the first move. Take the opportunity and set you both free.
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