A
female
age
30-35,
*oo136
writes:Hey guys!About 6 months ago, i got talkin to a guy who i used to have a crush on! we got on really well and we had such a laugh together! he kept tellin me he liked me but he had a court case coming up and so he thought it would be unfair to ask me out. hes innocent in th case and thats something i am sure of. but he was found guilty and wasnt granted bail until his sentencing. we've been writing letters whilst hes been in and we still get on so well! hes assumed theres no future for us now.. but i think i REALLY like him. hes lookin at 4 years which is automatically halved to 2years.. which is still a long time. we get on SO well and it was so sad as we werent expectin for him to be found guilty. his statement went so well and th judge was sayin such good things! in our letters to each other.. we still have such a laugh and im going in to see him soon. what do i do?! its most likely he'l get 2 years..
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female
reader, Renee okc  +, writes (10 July 2009):
Ok he might be innocent and so now he is doing 4 years well i would say you should just keep it friendly and be there for him as a friend without feeling obligated to deal with him or do for him . I was in a similar situation and after he was gone and after i grieved for a year i found myself moving on life continues while his will stop it causes alot of conflict with you living out here and him in there just remain friends because after awhile you two will start to resent each other you will resent him for being gone and he will resent you for living your life like you should be i am not going to say you are wrong for feeling this way but i will say if you think your relationship is strong enough then your feelings will be the same in 4 years and he may get out and have changed all together prison is a tough place and you are programmed not to care so keep your options open so that way you can have room to move around if you need to .....
A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (10 July 2009):
 You maybe looking at the situation through rose-coloured spectacles and should certainly take care not to get dragged into a relationship for the wrong reasons. If he is getting a sentence of that duration it must be for something quite serious - whether he did it or not! Even though the prison sentence maybe 2 years, he may get released on a tag early. You don't say what he has been convicted of, but take care if you don't know him too well. He didn't get bail on remand because he was either perceived a danger to the public or at risk of disappearing. He may well have been guilty but he maybe unwilling to admit that to anyone since his solicitor may advise him on his appeal options. Prison can be life-changing for some people and he may not come out the same person. He may also be hoping to maintain contact with you for the wrong reason - prison visits, sending gifts etc all contribute to quality of life when you are inside. I am not saying it is all doom and gloom - if he has a prison sentence ahead of him then all you can do is wait for him. But in the meantime, take care to evaluate him and the relationship since there maybe things you are unaware of.
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (10 July 2009):
 Young lady,
As someone who has been in a fair share of real trouble and served some serious time over the course of my adult life, I can guarantee you that attempting at your young age to maintain a monogamous relationship while he is in the hooskau will be difficult at best.
Please understand that even if he serves half of his entence, that is two years that you cant get back in your life if you pull a vigil for him. Most likely during that time you will find someone else. And you say you LIKE him...not love him.
You are way too young to throw your eggs in one basket. You can remain friends and keep in contact. I assure you though over the course of two years that he will come out of the joint a very different person than the man you saw go in. The best intentioned of people (myself included) come out of incarceration almost a 180 degree of what we were.
The experience, regardless of country, is something that only can be appreciated and understood if you experienced it. No television show or movie can ever really depict the experience, the horrors are to numerous to imagine.
Two years is a pretty short time from the outside, but on the inside, it might as well be two decades.
He wont be the same, he just wont. His trust of everything will be shattered, and he will most likely return to you a damaged soul.
I suggest remaining friendly,and keeping in contact through post... but honestly to wait for him at this point of your life would be a disservice to the both of you.
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