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anonymous
writes: My story - after advise and any commentsBack ground first:I met the one: i was the happiest person a live, he was my world. 17 mths later I moved in (26th June-his suggestion). Rented out my flatHes been married twice before and has a 3 year daughter. I'm 28 hes 37.A few weeks after i moved him - he changed and became distant7th August - I check his phone, found messages from another women. I shouted and scream called him all the names and left. He didn't say a thing, i packed some stuff and left. He sent messages and apologised saying he hadn't slept with her not that it mattered now. I moved all stuff out the following day (he was out) and went to my parents . We had a few texts back and forth over the next 2 weeks, silly things. In this time i don't think I've ever been so heart broken, i stopped eating and i completely fell apart. My planned life ahead was taken away from me over night.Upto date it was the worst part of my life so far.....22nd August we were texting, it was a Sunday, he said all he wanted was a hug, i got in my car and turned up and said i wanted to say goodbye properly and supply the hug. We hugged for 45 minutes he didn't let go of me and said he was so sorry and hes mad the biggest mistake etc. We cried and i melted.We got back together. I didn't move back in and we went to relate (once), had a fantastic holiday. I was very possessive and constantly threatened him like a criminal.I probably went a bit psycho. HE MAD ME - LOL. I just didn't trust him, but i knew that if we worked together and went to relate it could be rebuilt.But we seem to row allot and argued about everything - he became very nasty.19th November - i had enough and he said he wasn't sure about me anymore and we needed to talk. I told him that it was his decision he either wanted me or he didn't and it was left like that. this was 10 days before my 29th Birthday. This time round i wasn't devastated like before, i tried my best and he wasn't willing to stick with it. He texted me a couple of times asking for his stuff etc, i didn't once contact him...25th November - he texted me said how much he missed me and how depressed he was and didn't want to live etc. I ended up going round there, i really thought he was going to do something silly...He cried like a baby in my arms and said he was so depressed and there was someone wrong with him. I comforted him and said i was there for him and we could get help etc. It was very sad. We made love 3 times that evening, it was so perfect. In the morning he was cold and distance and said he didn't think it was him! I walked out the house, i knew i couldn't help this man anymore. We had no contact until:28 the November - The day before my birthday he left my presents my parents door step with a letter. God it was so upsetting. Basically saying he really loved me but it wasn't enough for him and I'm lovely and he wants me be happy and he couldn't be the man I deserved. God it makes me cry thinking about this.He texted the next day and wished me happy birthday! i ignored him He texted again and said i he hoped i liked my presents. i ignored him.So as you can guess i wasn't the best birthday!We had no contact till Christmas ( Dec 28th) he emailed me at work and said he had been trying not to do this but he really missed me. He texted over the next couple of days and I ignored them all and then New Years Eve i caved in and texted back.....The time between my birthday and New Year (6weeks) i slept with someone and fell pregnant ! resulting to a abortion! (that's another story)Anyway - back to New YearHe needed up collecting me in a cab with his daughter and we spent New Year Eve at home grinning like cheshire cats. I was so happy, all i ever wanted was this man, it all went so wrong and neither would say why! He said he just wanted me back and hes realized how important I was and I'm irreplaceable and he cant live without me. Since then we havnt been apart and been very happy. I moved back in 3 weeks ago. Hes a very happy bunny! we've had no rows and i havnt question him or treated like a criminal. All is rosy! Everything is perfect, sex, life, house, home etc Well.............Except - I still feel sick most days thinking its going to go wrong again and hes going to question us again or look else where. He has no idea of my insecurities. He tells me he loves me all the time and hes been Mr Wonderful.I've checked his phone once and decided that I have to trust him and stop checking - or am i scared of finding something? i don't know! I'm constantly telling myself and thinking up scenarios that hes upto something...Even when he turn his phone off i think he hiding something, anything sets me off!How can I get over this and move on? why am i fretting so much? so am I a mug for getting back with him in the start?Anyone's comments / advise would be appreciated.................sorry its long
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A reader, kel, writes (9 March 2005): rite - u have had a lot of background with this man, and obviously u two have a lot of feelings for each other.However, you also have a huge history of bad things going on between you, and because of his cold shoulders and confusing behaviour, you feel insecure and you don't know if you can trust him.My advice is basically u need to decide whether your love is strong enough to get you through this. Are you going to be able to trust him again? If you really felt happy then you wouldn't not trust him. You need to realise that he has a lot of faith and trust in you, so you should have the same trust back.He sounds like he really wants to give it a go, and you have to tell yourself that he is willing, and that you love each other. Love gets you through anything, so you have to stop hurting yourself by not trusting him...if you continue to not have any trust in him, he wil sense it and you will end up arguing again.You have taken the step to get back together...do you really want to ruin it again? good luck x
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