A
female
age
30-35,
*exxibunni23
writes:My boyfriend and I have been in a serious relationship with each other for almost four years now. I am 17 and he is almost 18. I do love him, and he says that he loves me. Things have been going sour for awhile now. I'm confused, and would appreciate any advice offered.I want to first start out by saying he's abusive. He's emotionally abusive, and physically as well. Neither are severe, but with time, the abuse worsens. He's manipulative, controlling, and a very angry person. I've tried talking to him over and over about this problem; he acts like he cares, says he will change, and then doesn't. I'm tired of feeling this way around him. He has stated several times about killing me if I try to leave. He also threatens to kill himself, my family, or my pets if I try to leave. He tries to make a joke of it, but I can tell he's serious when he says what he says.With that being said, our relationship is even more unhealthy then that. We are both insanely jealous. I was never a jealous person until he betrayed my trust over, and over, and over, and over again. He constantly lies. He is a chronic liar. There is no doubt in my mind that he does not have a problem with lying. I looked up information on the internet, and he has all the symptoms of chronic lying. Not only is his lying emotional draining, I constantly have to check up on him, and try to catch him in lies, which is starting to physically take a toll on me. I am extremely jealous towards him now as well. He has almost cheated on me several times. My jealousy has gotten to the point where I hate him spending time with his family! I know this isn't healthy. I feel like when he's not with me, he's trying to talk about me behind my back, and do something to hurt me. (Which he does do a lot! He lies to people about what a b* I am, and makes up stories to make it sound like I am a b*.) He is jealous as well. I am not allowed to have any guy's phone number on my phone, or talk to guys that he doesn't know. I am constantly "getting into trouble" for certain things that I do. If I talk to a guy, I'm a slut. If I talk to a guy online, I'm a slut. Etc...Through out the past years, he has forced me to do sexual things with him. If I do not want to have sex with him, or do something sexual when he wants to, he gets very angry and upset. He will bother me and bother me until I give in. If I don't he won't even talk to me, or he'll say I made him "like this," and that I'm a b* for not doing anything about it.If anything, the lies are what is draining me most. Likewise, he breaks promises all the time too. He never does what he says he will do. I hate the fact that I can't trust him; I used to trust him, but after he lied to me over and over again, I can't find it in me to trust him. Our relationship has even created trust problems with other people for me.I feel like everyone is lying to me now, and I cannot stand it. I am so upset and hurt over this. He will not listen to me. When I ask for a break, he is in denial. He continues to act as if we're going out, and gets very angry when I say, "we're not together!" I have had to deal with emotional and physical abuse since I was very young. I am fed up with him. I love him, but I don't think things will ever work out. I am so emotionally drained, and I feel as if I am too weak to leave him. I would appreciate ANY help. Thank you in advance for answering.
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a break, cheated on me, emotionally abusive, jealous, liar, the internet Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, MutantKitten  +, writes (18 January 2009):
 You should talk to a women's shelter about leaving safely. You're also going to need a therapist after being in an abusive relationship.
You might also want to contact the police about a restraining order if it comes to it.
A
female
reader, aunty_rach  +, writes (18 January 2009):
it's simply.
DUMP HIM! there is nothing from stopping you ending it. what is the point in torturing yourself by staying with him?! there are plent of nice guys out there. he is not going to stop abusing you, so you just need to get out of there!
leave him! it's your life, don't let him ruin it for you. how much more can you take! leave him!
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A
male
reader, LUV-BOOTIES-ON-CUTIES +, writes (18 January 2009):
 Well , Well your life and safety is your concern and his is his own so you should find the best path to your own safety and peace of mind, it seems this path will only take you to breaking up with the guy which is good but you must bring your family in this so you can aware them about this man threats against them and his abusive actions towards you , this should also scare him off a bit knowing other people know about his deeds - take further action like the police if he pushes it , when a lover or friend becomes an enemy it is time to find a new lover or friend .Remember you have one life you can always live it with another person{one of worth}.
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A
male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (18 January 2009):
 In short; chuck him. I know you love him but this relationship is very bad for the both of you and you are clearly recognise that; you are not weak, you are strong. Incidentally, you will feel much stronger when you do actually get around to chucking him.
Before you do this you might want to create a support network for yourself of friends and family who will be there for you when you do do it and the inevitable bad moments come. Even if it is people on here as well just establish that network for yourself and it will make things easier, people you can call, txt, IM whatever but just people who will be there for you and give you an ear and the strength you need to get through this.
You say also that you have suffered physical abuse which, since you have trust issues, was probably from a family member?? There are going to be deep-seated issues around that which will need to be addressed maybe by therepy but also by people listerning to you. I dont know what support services exist in the States in that regard but seek them out and deal with those issues before you establish another relationship...
You can do this, you have to believe in yourself, you can do this because you need to do it. Good luck :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2009): What on earth are you doing staying with him? You must be crazy or something. It seems this 'relationship' hasn't so much gone sour as turned to yoghurt.
I'd suggest you leave him and ask that he kills himself first before he kills your family or your pets. Hand him a large pack of strong painkillers (200 should do the trick).
Get a restraining order taken out against him.
Then seek professional help for your paranoia.
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