A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I fairly recently split up with an ex... I was very much in love with him.... but there was a big distance between us and I very rarely saw him... I was so unhappy I ended things. Since I have found a lovely guy nearer... who I am happy with.... But of course I still care very much about my ex and wanted badly to remain friends but he wanted more so it was difficult.Yesterday I found out my ex has throat cancer, he has been told he has 3 years to live at most. It all adds up when I think back.. Since I found out I've been a wreck.. I can't stop crying... I just don't know what to do... he doesn't want contact with me.. especialy now... I want to respect his wishes but I'm just so worried... I've never felt this much pain in all my life... How can I get past this? I would be VERY greatful for any advice... thank you
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (27 February 2008):
 Respect his wishes. He has enough to focus on, and you are now a symbol of rejection for him.
I was in the same boat. One of my exs called me to say she got cancer. The last time I saw her was during a kemo session of hers. After that, I moved to another city, but stayed in contact over the phone. In my last conversation with her, she really indicated that she would rather put some distence.
I am married now. I think about that ex, not to get her back, but to wonder how she is doing, if she is even alive. It hurts. But her wishes are her wishes and I have to respect that.
Exs, are a source of pain, and people who are in more trouble than normal, need to be freed from pain. Sorry, but this is NOT about you. It is about HIM, and what he wants for the remainder of his time.
-Frank B Kermit
A
female
reader, Lucy2118 +, writes (27 February 2008):
 It's only normal for people to get upset when a close one get's ill. I think you should only contact him if you want him back because i think the reason that he's cut you off is because it's too painful for him to see you with another guy. I think this new love interest is good for you, but only if you can let your ex go, however hard it will be. If you want your new relationship to blossom the old one news to be left behind in the past.
Hope this helps.
X
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A
female
reader, Midge +, writes (27 February 2008):
 You are in a difficult situation, and I'm sorry about this situation you have been put in.
If it were me, the first thing I would do is speak to your current partner and tell him that he has nothing to worry about, no matter what happens. This is your shoulder to cry on when you need it, so you have to reassure him that you are still alright!
Then, I would go and see him, even if it is against his wishes and tell him that you want just a few moments of his time. Tell him that you love him as a friend and that you will be there through the good and bad times, and that you arent going anywhere! He may say that he doesnt want anything to do with you but at least you have made your feelings known and he knows that you are there for him whatever happens. You may find that at a later stage he calls you and wants to talk.
I had a friend who found out he had the HIV virus. He was only 18 and he was my best friend. When he found out he went really weird not wanting to spend time together, not wanting to see or speak to me, or see anyone for that matter. I went to his house and told him that we are such good friends, talk to me. He told me to go away, and so I did. Months passed without me seeing or hearing from him, and out the blue he called and wanted to talk. His shutting me out was his mechanism of coping with the situation and you may find that this is his. The fact that you were intimate before also adds pressure as he will be feeling that he needs you to deal with this situation but you not being together any longer, makes him now really think about what he has lost.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (27 February 2008):
 I am sorry about your ex.We have to accept destiny. We can only keep him in our prayers and let him know that you are there if he needs you .
You should keep your chin up. He would not want to see a sad face or be reminded of his time.
Keep him in our thoughts and prayers.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2008): i am so sorry to hear this hunny,
i dont really know how to deal with this apart from contacting him or his family and letting them know you are there for him when ever he needs you....let him know u would like to be apart of his life and try whatever it takes to tell him this...maybe he will feel alot happier having knowing he can talk to you....even if its just that your a shoulder to cry on
good luck sweetie
i hope all goes well for you
my thorts are with you what ever happens xx
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