A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My 9 year old son and I moved to another country to be with my partner and now I am stuck as I am waiting for my visa decision, not allowed to work, and can't afford to move. We don't want to leave the country because my son loves it here and is doing so well at his new school and has made lots of friends. I also put all the money I had into making the move. We've been here for 18 months. It would also be a much better lifestyle for him growing up over here than where we used to live. But whenever my partner picks on my son I feel so hurt and try to tell him this. He says he will try harder but he still does it. I want to leave him so much as he also drinks a lot and then it is worse and he is abusive to me. He even said that when we argue he "can't be nice" to my son if he is unhappy with me. He doesn't go out or make any effort to have fun with my son and me but he wants to act like the authoritarian telling him what to do. He is just plain horrible to him sometimes, like the other day he was in the shower and my son knocked on the bathroom door saying he was bursting for a pee and his reply was "whatever!". If he is ever nice to my son you can hear in his voice that its all false and he's just doing it to show me how nice he is! I want to move out so much as my son is my number 1 priority and I love seeing him happy. I wish this nightmare would end and I would get my visa granted, find a job, and move out. In the meantime, what can I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2011): thanks for the replies. I agree with both of you, I should not put my son at risk for any reason but also I may have to have some patience and wait it out until I can move.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2011): I get the feeling that you didnt know your partner well before you moved. For that reason, i would strongly urge you never to leave your son alone with him. You dont know what this man might be capable of. You say he is abusive towards you. Please ensure he is never abusive towards your child. You might like the country and your son might like his school but its not worth putting him at risk. So if this man gets drunk and abusive and hes horrible to your child, as you have suggested, then leave him. Your well being and your childs safety is more important than a good school.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (8 April 2011):
 Be patient and wait. In the meantime, perhaps you can lessen the suffering a little bit by spending more time out of the house, if your partner should ask any questions, you simply tell him you feel like you need to strengthen the bond between yourself and your son. Be patient and good luck.
I hope that helps.
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