A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 7 months. Just this weekend I had a text on saturday saying 'down at the pub for a party, miss you loads and love you more than ever xxxxxx' This sort of message isn't uncommon for him, He likes to tell me how much he loves me, we are so close, and have been for the entire 7 months. Then suddenly, from nowhere, Monday arrived. Monday he's distant, won't look me in the eyes, only gives me one-word answers and doesn't really talk to me. Then there's tuesday. He won't even approach me, he walks past me, pretends not to see me and i don't talk to him for the whole day. Wednesday, I confront him, ask if he's ok, ask him what the matter is. Again, he won't look me in the eyes or give me more than the to-the-point answer of 'I'm Fine!' I don't see him for the rest of the day, so i drop him a text: 'Are you ok? I really think we need to talk about this...' He replies ' yes we need to talk' -thats it. I see him on thursday, and we 'talk' he still won't see me eye to eye, he's distant, cold, his body language is closed off and when i try to hug him, theres no response. he says: 'I dunno... Im just not enjoying this (our relationship) as much as i was.' I ask: 'since how long have you felt like this?' and he replies 'about 2 weeks.' What would have made him ask this way? Do people just wake up one morning and decide that they are suddenly repulsed by their lover? It's thursday night as i'm typing this and i think i must be in shock because I feel weak, shaky, sick but most of all confused. I suggested we should end the relationship if this is the way he felt, but he said 'No!' (to my surprise) 'I just want a break' -So we have a agreed a 3 week break from each other as a couple, he thinks this will 'do us good'.so, main questions:a) Do breaks ever work out?b) If he thinks it will 'Do us good' then does he expect we will get back together?c) Should I allow him to string me along like this until HE has decided he wants me back?d) Why would he make such a dramatic change in attitude towards me? I haven't changed anything or done anything suddenly, he's just decided that he 'Gets more satisfaction being with mates' than when he's with me.Please help!
View related questions:
a break, get back together, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, soon567  +, writes (5 November 2010):
I was broke up with a girl too when I was 17. I couldn’t tell her that I cheated. She was too sweet and caring so I ended it. I am not saying that what he did, but that how I acted.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2010): Did you happen to ask him how was the party?
Maybe something happened but I don't want to be negative. I don't know the guy. But I do feel that if he needs to sort out his feelings, then you should give him space. I know it may be hard, but not calling or texting, and not being anywhere near him, will actually make him miss you. During this time, act as if you can go on with life without him. Go out with friends, do your own thing, have fun...
So, to answer your questions...
a) from my own personal experience, breaks are not good. But I have seen friends who had successful relationships after short breaks.
b) He may be expecting to get back together. He probably wants to feel like he misses you since you said you were close in the entire seven months you were together. Maybe he feels you guys have been spending too much time together.
c) No you should not. Like i said, do your own thing. Pretend like this is not affecting you. If you do the opposite, he will know he has control over what you are feeling. Do not make him think he has control of the relationship.
Best of luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (5 November 2010):
 Perhaps he is confused by his sudden wish to be distant from you and isn't sure what to do about it (evidently, because when you said maybe it should be ended he wasn't ready to take that final step. This probably why he wants a three week separation, so that he can sort out his feelings......so let it BE a separation: no texting, no phone calls, emails, no looking at his Facebook page (if he has one); no stopping by each other's homes, no dates, nothing.
This will give YOU the chance to evaluate your own feelings and where you want the relationship to go - or not go.
Then when the three weeks is up - oh you can wait two or three days beyond the actual three-week date - see if he calls or contacts you. If not, you call him and ask flat-out where things stand as far as he is concerned. But make it clear that if he is still waffling and not sure, you will not wait around for ever. MAYBE one more week, two at the outside, and then its either go forward, or bring it to a final end.
The point is, you are an independent, strong young woman with a life of your own. You are not to be at his beck and call.......
...............................
A
female
reader, Thoughtless +, writes (5 November 2010):
 Hi,
Okay ur situation seems like it can go 2 ways actually. 1 would be that he found out u cheated on him or hurt or something & is SUPER UPSET @ what u have done. The 2nd way is that maybe he probably just wants to see what else is out there. A break usually means something especially when he said it's b|c he isn't enjoying the relationship. Breaks do work out sometimes sometimes it doesn't, just depends on the person. Sometimes ur significant other misses u a lot after a break ( that's what happened 2 mine) but sometimes they don't. 3 weeks can change the person & he maybe will expect u back 2gether but the relationship might be different. In my opinion, since u have already agreed with the "break", u should show him that u r okay. i think that if u let him c u r weak that he is gone he might feel like he has control over ur emotions. u should go out with friends have fun the 3 weeks enjoy it & let him know. talk 2 him casually if he does but don't linger on 2 him be nice but don't call him. & also don't try to flirt crazy & try to make him jealous or something on purpose with other guys. Be urself relax & have fun. then c how he reacts & with how ur feeling take him back if he does come back & if u feel u shouldn't then don't. good luck! hope it helps :]
...............................
A
female
reader, Thoughtless +, writes (5 November 2010):
Hi,
Okay ur situation seems like it can go 2 ways actually. 1 would be that he found out u cheated on him or hurt or something & is SUPER UPSET @ what u have done. The 2nd way is that maybe he probably just wants to see what else is out there. A break usually means something especially when he said it's b|c he isn't enjoying the relationship. Breaks do work out sometimes sometimes it doesn't, just depends on the person. Sometimes ur significant other misses u a lot after a break ( that's what happened 2 mine) but sometimes they don't. 3 weeks can change the person & he maybe will expect u back 2gether but the relationship might be different. In my opinion, since u have already agreed with the "break", u should show him that u r okay. i think that if u let him c u r weak that he is gone he might feel like he has control over ur emotions. u should go out with friends have fun the 3 weeks enjoy it & let him know. talk 2 him casually if he does but don't linger on 2 him be nice but don't call him. & also don't try to flirt crazy & try to make him jealous or something on purpose with other guys. Be urself relax & have fun. then c how he reacts & with how ur feeling take him back if he does come back & if u feel u shouldn't then don't. good luck! hope it helps :]
...............................
|
