A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 17 and my bf is 20 and we have been together about 10 months i love him to pieces and he loves me too (sorry if this ends up being long winded)hes convinced i am going to cheat on himhes my first long term bf and i have no history of cheating on guyshe however has been cheated on before, he has told me that on two occasions he has been with girls and they have gone out and ended up with another guy and ended up dumping him, other guys hav also tried it on with other of his gfsalso october last year a guy in a band i was playing with kissed me, it was completely one way and i pushed away its not like my bf thought i was to blaim in any of this but it didnt help the situationwhenever i say i am going to go out with my mates his head sees me getting off with another guy so i feel guilty and dont want to go out with my mates anymore because i cant stand seeing him so sad but i am 17 and outgoing i want to go out with my matesadmitedly it does not help that some mates are lads i am a tom boy at heart and get along better with them than i do with girlshe says he trusts me but i am so sick of being judged on his exs standards, my dad cheated on my mum and i have seen what that has done and my bf says he knows i will never cheatso why is it when i want to go to a party and meet him there hes sure he is gunna find me in a bedroom with my best mate?i know its hard to over come whats happened in the past and i have spoken to him about whats happenedno matter how much i love him i want my freedom, if things dont get sorted i am sure they will get worse and i dont want to live my life like that
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2008): My BF is the same... he has been cheated on in the past. And it doesn't help that before being with him I made out with some random strangers at parties. I try and try and try t make him see that back then I was single, and that I'm not responsible for his exes cheating on him before, so I won't cheat. I have realized that words are useless in this situation.
I agree with Emily, though. I think it's a good idea if you go out with him and your friends, maybe even invite some of his so he won't feel so alone. Also if you go out without him, texting or calling him is a good idea. You have to show him you care. It's what my BF always says, that he needs me to show him things instead of just telling him. You have to take action.
Oh, and also, if one of your mates likes you, you should talk to him about it, and make things clear. Also, you'll have to cut contact. If you keep contact, it'll only hurt both of you.
Take care!
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (6 April 2008):
Well the good news is that you are right. You should be able to go out with whoever you want.
But you could do more to reassure him as he obviously has big issues about this. Why doesn't he come out with you and get to know your friends? Sitting at home imagining you getting upto things in his head isn't helping the situation.
Get him to go out with his mates so he is having fun and won't have time to sit and be jealous.
If someone fancies you then make sure you have no contact with them. It's harsh if they are your friend but it has to be done until they get over you and move on.
Find out what would make your boyfriend feel happier. If you are out without him then give him a text every couple of hours telling him a joke you heard, or telling him you miss him. It will make him realise that you are thinking of him.
Boys' brains are stupid. You'll have to work around his if you want to make this work, but it can be done.
Good Luck! xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionjust thought of more i need to say sorry
theres a guy in my college my age who i am mates with who every one says likes me which really doesnt help the situation
my bf doesnt even like it when other guys make me laugh
and thank you with all the help you can give
i dont want to dump him, this is the only problem we have, hes really lovely! he says one day he wants to marry me, i dont kno about that but i do want to spend the for seeable future with him, if only this would get sorted x x
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