A
female
age
41-50,
*ixieGwen
writes:I'm freaking frustrated. I've been dating this guy for a month and 1/2. He calls daily/every other day (2x sometimes). He doesnt have a car or his own place. We saw each other a lot but i stopped goin as much cos it got expensive (he lives 35 min away). The calls slowed down cos we know each other better of course but his attitude towards me has never changed... still seems interested.He has wanted to meet my mom, friends, talked about moving in together(a handful of times). Wk before last - He met some of my friends at a bbq - we had a blast. We had sex for the 1st time that wknd. Aftermath consisted of a lot of cuddling for the day.. later that day he felt sick. He had a migraine, nausea etc(i thought maybe it was from the alcohol and the 2hrs of sleep we got). We bickered on the way home, because he gets snippy when ill. We made up/he felt bad and he held my hand the drive home and then hugged/kissed me a bunch when i dropped him off and thanked me for picking him up and promised he'd get a car/place soon (even though i didnt mention anything). We talked the next day - he said he had a head cold and needed sleep (he was nice though/normal).3 days went by - he hadnt called. We talked on a thurs(4th day) I called to see if he was better and he was still sick(sounded sick) but still nice and made convo.He said he was getting better/supposed to have his kids for the wknd(we normally dont talk when the kids are over).I called a few days later to see if he was better + to tell him bout a house for rent (the last few wks he had been lookin for a house/car) - he called back an hr later. We talked/laughed (earlier that wk he had deleted his FB profile, removed himself from gmail chat) So i asked what happened. He says he deleted his FB profile because he feels someone is watching him (didnt elaborate), didnt know he was removed from the gmail chat.. wasnt sure what happened to that(originally his mom had been in his email earlier in the wk - its her laptop). We agreed to hang the following day (monday/yesterday). He said he'd call when he wakes up. He never called. I thought that hed eventually call to cancel, explain what happened - anything.. but nope, no call. I called/left a lighthearted msg and asked what happened/call me back. Still nothing..Hes never flaked or been rude to me (hes always been nice and pretty damn blunt/straight fwd). I figured if he wanted to break up - hed say via phone, email, be rude or eager to get off the phone or just ignore me all together and definitely not call back.. which he always has called back cept for last night (well one time he couldnt call or make our plans but he got back to me that night). I know that this month hes goin thru a custody battle for his kids, is looking for a house, a car. His behavior towards me hasnt changed cept for the fact he got sick and i feel something is goin on that hes not tellin me.. cos who normally thinks theyre being watched????The point is.. he's being a little weird and him flaking is out of the ordinary. Hes still cool with me and I figured if he thought i was "Watching" him he wouldnt have told me about it. (I was completely heartbroken that he flaked.. considering i hadnt seen him in a week.)Isnt he being weird???
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female
reader, PixieGwen +, writes (18 August 2010):
PixieGwen is verified as being by the original poster of the question his reason for not getting back to me was that he was busy ..
before this.. i had left voicemails..which he ignored, i even emailed..thinkin he didnt receive my voicemails (he doesnt have a cell..it was a house number and he lives with his mother..) i was nice despite the fact i was wondering what the hell was goin on.last voice mail i left sayin if i didnt hear back the following day - im assuming we're through.(cause 3 days had already gone by and he would call daily and if not..atleast shoot me an email) it was super weird for him to flake let alone not even call me..so i felt it was personal by that point. i didnt hear anything.. so i left him a final email stating that he couldve just told me what was up..whether it was him being busy etc.. i wouldve understood..and i felt he was being selfish or a coward for not telling me whats up..even if it was us being over. He wrote back angrily sayin that i didnt even know what he had been upto, he was hopin id chill out/guess not and he said he had been busy he said some other crap & then he said next time for me to chill out.. this was over a wk ago.. i replied nicely but explained why i felt the way i did (i mean he knew that i flaking is my biggest pet peeve and that i worry alot) and yet i feel he purposely did this. so technically we're broken up now.. and yeah maybe he was busy but it doesnt take much to phone for a min.We didnt even need to move in together..he was the one always bringing it up.. i dont think our relationship moved fast.. i think if we wouldve moved in together..then id say yeah..we moved too fast..
i miss him now and wish we could be on good terms.. i even told him that in my last email..stating that i didnt want to break up but i had no clue what was goin on and that i want us to be on good terms and possibly start over.i also apologized for the name calling (callin him selfish/coward) i dont know if he'll ever contact me again..but it bothers me alot..
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (18 August 2010):
 I believe so, but this may be for reason as well. One and a half months, and already wanting to move it. Sex doesn't make a relationship, and living together it only means sex much more often. Do you think this relationship may have moved into fast forward to fast? He has kids to think about and it'd be a change for both of you and his kids. His not calling shows he's distancing himself. It may not mean that it's over, it may mean that you two need to put slightly more space between you in this relationship, and allow it to grow.
He has children, so apparently he's been in relationships that haven't worked out. Therefore, you may consider there being an element of fear in your plans as well. I'm not trying to be harsh, only real with you. I have children too, and with them, I am a little more cautious than I may be without them. If I make a choice that doesn't work out, I'm not the only one who's affected by that decision. So, look at this from different angles. Talk to him. Ask him if it's because this moving in is to fast, or if he feels he's being put on the spot. I thin there is something going on, but not necessarily another woman or saying it's over. Address the concerns, then you two can work on overcoming them.
I hope this helps. Take care.
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