A
female
age
30-35,
*CantThinkOfAScreenName
writes:a few days ago i found out that my boyfriend, who i've been with for 6 months, has been watching porn on a regular basis, it hurt alot. mostly because he made a point for 5 months of telling me he was proud because he hadn't watched porn or masturbated as what i did was enough. now i've found out this is a lie i feel confused and incredibly upset. is it wrong to feel upset about this? also he told me he imagines having sex with other women while i'm asleep, i don't know what to do as he always told me i was the only girl he has eyes for. before this our relationship was perfect, literally perfect and now its all ruined! i know most people will say its perfectly healthy but i don't think i could be in a relationship with someone like that as to me it's almost cheating as it's thinking unfaithful thoughts. i wouldnt mind if he imagined me whilst masturbating but the fact he choses other women to watch. i also found out that he has done it after going home from mine when i have satisfied him enough in that day. its a complete confidence crusher. can anyone help in ways that i can try to get him to understand? he says he understands but he has a history of just saying that to shut me up. help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2010): To the male anon below, no not EVERY man watches porn. The number is actually a lot lower than porn fans think it is. My boyfriend doesn't watch porn, he just never got into it, and he knows he would get his ass dumped if he was watching it behind my back. My dad is a pretty intensely hardcore feminist who worked on the anti-porn movement, and a lot of my guy friends all say they'd give it up for a girl in a heartbeat. There are men out there who actually care about their girlfriends enough to respect their feelings if they have issues with it. Oh and what about the fact that quite a few of the people running the anti-porn movement are in fact men? A good portion of the anti-porn books are written by men. So yes, most guys do watch, but about a quarter or more don't due to either moral problems, or some just don't like it. The only people who actually believe all men watch porn are the ones who themselves watch. The ones who think that all men say they watch or are lying simply can't fathom a man who doesn't find it arousing, but there are plenty. Don't worry, you'll find someone who can respect your feelings on this. You're not alone in being bothered.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2010): Okay so here is some bad news for you...(good news for men)...EVERY MAN WATCHES PORN. Even your DAD!!! Yes...your dad. Okay...now why is the next question. Because it's the fantasy. We know it's not gonna happen to us, but we love seeing it :D. Can you get him to stop watching porn? Well you can get him to greatly reduce it and prefer you over any porn if you do anything he asks :D. Men typically turn to porn if they are not getting something from their girlfriend / wives (i.e. unlimited oral sex)...yes unlimited.
I'm just sayin.....When I dadted girls who were just as good in bed as a porn star...I hardley ever ever watched it...
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A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (20 June 2010):
 "also he told me he imagines having sex with other women while i'm asleep"
That's incredibly tactless and shows how little respect he has for you. That along with the lying (I assume that's the big reason it hurts so much) doesn't point to a person who shows a lot of respect. You have every right to be hurt, he's been lying to you about something big. It doesn't sound like he has any regard for your feelings based on some of the terminology you used, like "he has a history of just saying that to shut me up." I think you should re-evaluate the relationship and determine if you want to stay. He sounds like the type who lies to get what he wants.
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A
female
reader, Becca64 +, writes (20 June 2010):
 i think he was really tactlesss in saying this to you. It is perfectly normal for guys to watch porn even when in a relationship. My friends boyfriend even has it on his phone ! she doesnt mind it though cos he is open about it. she has always been aware he watches it, and has an open invitation to watch it with him if she wants to, and also she knows that really its ony her he has eyes on.
Sometimes guys do just like to picture other people, i dunno why really!! maybe we need a mans take on this, :P
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