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female
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*adzia
writes: I'm 20 and my bf is 35. We have been together for almost 2 years and were best friends before for 1 year. The age gap is usually not an issue and we are so happy together but I have a problem with his past. He has been very open and honest about his sexual past which I appreciate but it has made me very insecure. He has had a lot of partners including a few longterm gfs. The thing is he has cheated on ALL of them. He says he's grown up and changed and hasnt cheated on me but I'm so scared of losing him that I'm becoming increasingly paranoid and suspicious. He swears he loves me (I believe him) but can't shake the feeling that he's bound to cheat on me, and that he's done it so often he'll be expert at hiding it. I'm getting desperate and have found myself tempted to check up on him by reading his emails, texts and even his diary!! He says he loves me more than his other gfs as we have more in common, he says I'm his perfect partner and the only person he's ever wanted to marry. But can cheaters change? If he loves me as he says he does will he be faithful?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2007): I am reading exactly what I went through and it's sucks. My boyfriend is 25 and I am 22. We have been together for two years and friends a year before we started dating. He cheated on his last girl friend three times! I was paranoid he'd do it to me and I would occasionally ask him if he has done it to me. He'd say no and that he would never want to ruin such a good thing. He has said many times how he wants to marry me and how happy he is with me. But guess what? He admitted to me last week that he cheated on me two months ago. I wanted to think cheaters can change and he still thinks he can but I'll never know. I guess I will only know when he has been with me for 50 more years and has told me the truth in the end.
A
female
reader, jadzia +, writes (3 April 2006):
jadzia is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your replies. When we were first together he did give me some reasons to doubt him, I overheard him talking to a mate about a female friend of his saying how much he fancied her. He said it was just lads gossip, that she was hot but he would never act on it. And he's slipped up a few times, first he told me that he hadnt cheated on his last gf but let slip a month or so later that he had, said he'd forgotten he'd cheated on her. No concrete evidence, I just can't help but worry. Sometimes he says that it's because I'm young and that by the time I get to his age I'll be secure with myself and will see how silly being jealous is. I find it patronising but maybe he's right. I would be devastated if he cheated on me and would certainly feel a fool as all the warning signs are there but feel I should give him a chance to prove himself and not leave because of a 'what if?'
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A
male
reader, tux  +, writes (27 March 2006):
 I would be cautious on this guy. Like the previous reader I have my doubts, though my reasoning was a bit different on why he told you the "truth". He may just be telling you that to make you think he could be trusted. I'm guessing the previous reader might have been jilted by a few guys already. but either can be the reasoning. Though, the pre-meditated sh*t of Bull reasoning can be easier to defeat than the way I was thinking by this phrase. "Yes you did tell me what you *used* to be like! and you know what?! You also told me that you have *changed* and that you would *never* do that to me! and what did you do? You *did* that to me!"
But for all we know he could be telling the truth.. but if you are having doubts.. he obviously is doing something now to give you those doubts that you have not mentioned.. So i would have to say "chalk this up for experience and move on" my guess is that he is cheating on you. But then again it's hard to say because I don't know what is giving you these doubts about him which a lot of the time are true. I'd take the better of the outlooks.. A) you can stay with him and always worry on whether he is cheating on you or not whether or not he is or not. B) you can move on and find someone that might even be a better match for you.
It's hard to go with A unless he gives you some pretty good reasons that you should trust him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2006): As you said - they get better at lying he probably said that to all the other girls. If he's done it that much before i'd say he is very likely to do it again! If he's been in long term relationships before then it's obvious that he would have made out he "loved" them too. I've found that guys like that never grow up and that these leopards never change their spots. I'd be inclined to let this one go!! He was probably only telling you about his past because he's got caught out before and in his demented head that's somehow the only "truth" he's capable of telling - not for your benefit or for the sake of telling the truth but more likely for a pre-meditated piece of bull-shit he can bring up later - "I told you thats what I was like - what did you expect??" Get rid of him before he hurts you - I wouldn't even wait for him to give you the chance!! Good Luck!!
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