A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:A year ago I found out that my partner had been cheating on me. We talked things through and I decided to give the relationship another go, only now 16 months later he is at it again. I had a feeling something was going on but like the last time I had no proof because he doesn't use his phone or PC to contact these women. A couple of weeks ago he admitted he was with a girl but it was just a date and nothing sexual but again yesterday he left work early to be the same girl and that they just went for a drink and that he has not slept with any women since last year when I first found out he had cheated. His excuse is that he wants to know if he is still attractive to women, he is 27 years old and works within the fitness industry, he is acting as though he is over weight and in his fifties.I really don't know what to belive anymore, I feel like he is still lying and that there was more than just drinking but he wont confess to anything else. How can I get to confess all? I do want to leave but I don't know how to, we have a 3 1/2 year old daughter, so it isn't that easy to just leave. I'm quite forgiving and want to see the good in everyone but he has completely killed all my trust and not just for him but for everyone, I doubt those closest to me. HELP!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2009): Sorry to hear this has happened. Something similar happened to me - my bf of 8 yrs cheated on me last yr (I found out by looking at his cell, which he'd been over protective over). He left, but asked me back 6 months on, and we got back together, with me thinking we'd be stronger after working through his cheating... I thought we were, but last week, I found he's doing it again. I think if a guy loves you and respects you, he won't treat you this way. His excuse sounds ridiculous, and if you look at it objectively and logically, you'll agree. You deserve to be treated with respect and to be loved by someone loyal who would never want to hurt you. For your own well-being, I think you should leave him. Forgiving and forgetting can work, but only if he takes steps to change his actions - my guy said he'd do this, but didn't, and if I forgive him again, he still won't learn from his mistakes and it will just keep happening. Don't waste your time on him anymore. Try and move on. It will take time, but slowly you (and I!) will learn to trust again. I hope you have family/friends you can trust and confide in, and who will make sure you and your daughter are ok.
A
male
reader, Perspicacious +, writes (12 August 2009):
I don't think it really matters if he had sex with this woman or not. Going on a date while in a committed relationship with you is completely unacceptable and cheating, so gaining a confession doesn't achieve much.This isn't the first time, so while you could argue everyone deserves a second chance it seems he has had his already. He certainly doesn't sound deserving of your trust.It sounds like your self-esteem has taken a bit of a battering, which is hardly surprising, and this will naturally begin to harm your relationships with everyone around you.You say you do want to leave, so I think you have made your mind up what to do about the situation and I don't think you can be blamed for that! Doing so seems difficult, especially if your confidence is low, but it is possible. Take one step at a time, plan properly, and let each little success lead to the next one.Good luck!
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