A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, Please helpI am deeply crazy about my boyfriend, and i know he cares about me too. However he's very jealous and gets angry very quickly, it's the reason why we have been not together. He always comes back, i know he loves me, but why does he treat me like that? Why does he want to control everything? He doesn't want me to talk to anyone.He's been treating me very bad lately and I always walk away, but it seems he goes even crazier when i leave him, he doesn't want to let me go, but it's not fair, i don't like a guy treating me like that.He was so sweet and romantic when we first met, now he just crazy.Please don't say leave him because i did...to see if it's gonna work it didn't, because he never leaves me alone, and always call my phone, it's hard not to pick up. Please help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the help :)
A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (10 May 2008):
 Ok he has the key signs of an abuser. I know this from experience so trust me. Even if he hasn't done anything yet it will start after a certain period of dating or after marriage, verbal or physical abuse. Being controlling, overly jealous, and angers quickly... It will end badly. I understand it is hard not to pick up but you yourself said you do not want to be in this kind of relationship. And it is only going to get worse... I have been there, my mother is there, and friends are there, they are the classic signs of an abuser and you have to stay away from him!! Keep going please. Why does he do this? He may have been abused when he was younger. Chances are he is very selfish (cares only about what he wants and wants you to put him first always). I'm not sure why abusers do this. I was told they feel they are owed something because of the way they were treated. He gets so jealous and doesn't want you talking to anyone because of deep insecurity, though he would not ever admit it. I don't understand the controlling bit either. But please you have to trust me, it only gets worse. My father sounds exactly like how you are describing this man. If he doesn't have his way we all will definitely know about it, beating obviously and the worst words you could ever hear him calling my mom. He has warped all of our minds. My mom waits on him hand on foot like he is a 5 year old child. He controls every aspect of each of our lives. My mother is not allowed to talk to her own daughter (my older sister) or her mother because they did not do exactly as he wanted them to... I don't tell anyone this but I am telling you so you don't end up where we are. Is that where you want to be down the road? The controlling gets worse to where you are no longer allowed to have friends and everything you do is monitored by him, in addition to the abuse. It is no way to live... You are lucky to have gotten away. He won't go back to how he was, sorry. Ask any woman in the same boat you are in, sweet in the beginning then he shows his true form. It's hard but don't take his calls. Believe me I know many girls who wish they were in your spot again to make a different decision than they had. I know you will say he is different but the truth is he is not. Pretty soon you will start blaming yourself for how he is... The signs are showing earlier for you than they do for a lot of unlucky women, thank your stars. Good luck. Have strength. You can email me anytime of you need to.
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A
male
reader, PeterPan +, writes (10 May 2008):
 I think I'm going to try and hand off two pieces of advice here... one of which you said you're not interested in hearing...
But first, if your boyfriend is (let's say) ballistic, then there's most likely something else going on. Examples? ...stress in his own family, stress from work, nearly anything really. The simple statement here is that most people's attitudes toward things are based on their personal environment someplace. Until that problem has some kind of resolution, he's probably going to continue blowing up at you. If I remember correctly, jealousy is the outward emotion of an inward insecurity. Something is making him feel this way, IMO.
OK, assuming you made it this far, here's the part you probably don't want to hear. People with anger issues, unless helped with something as simple as anger management or therapy sessions of some kind will most likely escalate. In other words, if he doesn't put this in check, it will get worse for you and anyone around him. Since you seem determined to stay with this guy, please keep that thought in mind. Watch for the signs of things getting worse and protect yourself.
Best wishes...
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