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female
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anonymous
writes: I started with my boyfriend about 9 months ago and after 3 months he went into the Army (I knew this from the start). We've always been really close and really honest with each other and we said we'd always say if something was wrong. During his basic training it was OK (the first 3 months). We got on really well and we supported each other. Now I get to see him every weekend when he comes home but he's beginning to change. He told me the other day he's starting to get depressed about being there and he misses what he used to be like before he met me (he got in trouble with the police, went from girl to girl, did drugs and smoked etc), all of which he doesn't do now... and it feels like he's beginning to drift away from me.I couldn't ever imagine my life without him. We had sex for the first time at the end of April and it's generally been since about then... I don't know what to do cos it feels like that's all it's about now. We argue so much more and I'm afraid it's all going wrong, but if I mention it to him he gets annoyed and doubles it back on me. What should I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwow thank you for that, we're going on holiday today so i'm gonna see how it goes
xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2006): I know what it's like to be where you're at. I am engaged to a man in the Air Force, myself. After basic, I think your man was looking back on the way things used to be and missing his freedom. The military is a very strict, hard place to be, and he's facing responsibilities that are changing who he is, and making him more mature. He misses his wild, carefree days because he didn't have to report, salute, march, and watch every little thing he did or said. I really don't think that is any reflection on you or anything you have done in the relationship. After all, he already knew he would join the Army when you two got together. As for wanting sex all the time, it's basically because he doesn't see you as often, and he works hard with a bunch of men all the time. He gets horny and he can't do anything about it until he sees you again. Personally, I like this change in my man (mine's the same way), because it gets me a little extra attention. Finally, all the arguing you two are doing is most likely stress-related. Think about what's really upsetting you guys, each other or the situation you're in? I argue with my fiance` all the time, but it's not because I don't like him or anything, it's basically because I miss him, if that makes any sense, that, and I'm stressed out all the time. Find a balance that keeps both you and him happy. I suggest you both start making kind, unselfish, romantic gestures towards each other to rekindle the love. I like to make little homemade love cards for my fiance`. I have fun making them and it cheers me up, plus, my fiance` is always very happy and excited when he gets it, which I love.
I hope these suggestions have helped somehow. I know it's hard to be where you're at. I really hope everything works out okay for you in the long run. I wish you the best of luck. Stay strong!
~RJGirl
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni dont think he meant it as if he wanted to do it again - i think he meant it in a way that he's finding it hard to handle the change in his life. i mean.. he's losing his mates back at home and stuff like that... he told me after he said it that he didnt mean it as a bad thing towards me but it did hurt as it felt like he implied that he .. well i dunno but maybe i shouldn't have taken it personally? we're going on holiday on friday for 2 weeks so maybe this will be a good thing so we can spend time together. it's not always bad - sometimes we have our good days/weekends its just sometimes it gets to me. thanks for your reply! i'm going to see how it goes.any other advice is welcomexxx
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reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx  +, writes (24 July 2006):
 Let me get this straight: he misses what he used to be like, getting arrested, taking drugs and sleeping around? Honey, if this guy still hasn't grown up from those days, you need to get out of there! My boyfriend has had a colourful past but he'd never do any of that again, he's moved on and grown up now. If your boyfriend is not ready to do that, it's all going to end it tears.
Plus, he's start to resent you as he'll see it as you that is stopping him from doing all that stupid stuff again. He doesn't sound like he wants to be in this relationship anymore and you don't need him dragging you down if he does get involved with all this stuff again.
Talk to him, he needs to know how you feel. Find out what's going on with him, find out if he's cheated (often what changes a man's attitude to a relationship) etc. Tell him you're not sticking around for him to waste anymore of your time, you're worth more than that. Good luck
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