A
female
age
26-29,
*eckySmith101
writes:Hiya.My boyfriend and I have been going out for 2 months now (well, in 4 days anyway) and at first, it was really nice. I used to be afraid of kissing and he let me get over it. Then for the next month he was really affectionate and paid a lot of attention to me. But recently, we've been over to each other's houses and whenever i go over to his, he is always working on the computer and whenever he is over at mine, he is always tinkering with mine. I don't mind him tinkering with mine but the only time i get a proper kiss is when he or I have to leave. I've tried teasing him by tickleing and trying to flirt but that only last's 5 mins.I'm not sure if this is the problem but early on, he wanted sex and I said no. I'm not sure if this is going to affect the cause. Please help!xx
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female
reader, BeckySmith101 +, writes (18 March 2012):
BeckySmith101 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni know he is not my future husband, lol. Senior school bf's are never for long. i know that which is why im not surprised at this.
I think it's a little harsh about all boys. He was just confused (so he told me)at the time. and because he is (technically) my first bf, i didn't necissarily know what a "date" was so if it is a park thing or movie night in thing then yes, we have done all that jazz. Like i say, he hasn't pushed me for any sex since i said no and he respects that. Like i said earlier, its only if i show the green light (which i wont before you start worrying :P).
Thanks again for your concern
A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (17 March 2012):
 You are 14? eeek, that makes me twice your age! lol that is scary, only seems like yesterday I was that age.
I know you wont want to hear this, but all teenage boys are the same underneath. There may be some who are better at hiding it than others, but deep down, they are all thinking about sex and their penis.
Sex shouldnt even be talked about at your age, let alone before you have even been on a date just because he thinks 'all girls' are like that. That statement in itself shows just how immature he is, and how he is no way prepared for the consequences of what might happen.
Dates do not have to cost money. You just have to use your imagination. You could go for a walk, go to the park, play a sport together, go for a bike ride, have a picnic, have a dvd watching session with popcorn and snacks.... the possibilities are endless. You just have to think outside the box.
Now, here comes the BUT.
It worries me, that he came out with the sex thing so soon. Seriously, its not a good sign. When did he tell you he had fancied you for 3 years? Was this before or after he asked for sex? I ask this,because boys will say anything to get you into bed. They will sweet talk you, and make you feel like the only girl in the world, and not mean it.
Now the fact he is being offish with you, prefers to play with the computer and isnt being affectionate.... it sounds like he is pulling away. When you question him, he says he has no money. I bet you anything if a new computer game he wanted came out, he would be able to buy that.
Suggest you do something fun together for free - look on the internet for ideas. Or have a dvd marathon together. You need to see how willing he is to actually play the part of a boyfriend. If he STILL is being stubborn and refuses, then I do think you have to face reality and think about the possibility he was only after one thing.
You are still VERY VERY VERY young. This boy will not be in your life next year. I can tell you now 100% that he is not your future husband.
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A
female
reader, BeckySmith101 +, writes (17 March 2012):
BeckySmith101 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok, We haven't technically gone out on a "date" as such but as I said before, he doesn't want sex anymore. simple. But he definatley knows im his GF and he ISNT going out for sex. I know the steryotypical 15 year old will want it but he isn't like the others. (i know that sounds cheesy, just trust me)
I've known him for 5 years at least and aparently he has fancied me for 3 years and has proof which i belive.
Sorry about the whole "fun" thing. I didn't know why he asked but he respects that I dont. I have spoken to him and he admitted that the reason he asked was because of his friends gf (all same ages) asked and got the idea that all girls are like that. So it isn't because of him. Sorry for any misunderstandings.
Anyway, I also found out that he doesn't have much money therefore he is unable to pay for dinner or a movie or whatever which is why he likes to stay close to home.
Thanks for all yuor advice!
xx
(p.s: I am 14, he is 15)
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A
male
reader, sparty the spartan  +, writes (17 March 2012):
 ok this is the guy from the bottom again
i dont agree with the comment that guys only think with our penis'. Yes we do think about sex but women also think the same things and from personal experince i dated this girl for 2 years before we had sex and i wasnt the one who wanted to do it but i agreed that i love her and i didnt wanna live with out her so we did it, it was a bad idea cause she cheated on me a few weeks later but that is besides the point if yall go on dates to like a zoo or to the movies or a movie night at yalls house is with some popcorn and a drink with 1 straw or yall can walk around town window shoppin or goin to a family owned book store and look at old books its fun and interesting at any age and mini golf is fun to
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (16 March 2012):
OP, I am not going to bang on about the whole underage sex thing, as I know being a teenager you will do whatever you want anyway, regardless of the risks.
BUT when you say you have only been dating for 8 weeks, and then say this "We know its against the law and so on but he thought it would be fun" .... this is precisely what makes me worry that you are too young to be dating and in a serious relationship. Two months is NOTHING at your age. If you had been dating 2 years and he asked about sex, that would be different, but 2 months suggests he is only after one thing, and now is backtracking away from you.
It would be fun... well yes it might, but it could also land you with a child for the rest of your life. I don't know how old you are, but for a brief moment of fun, are you ready for a baby? Sex isnt a game, it is serious.
We have all been teenagers, we know how hard dealing with the hormones is, but you have to be strong and not give in. You will throw your life away otherwise.
Are you actually boyfriend and girlfriend? Are you actually dating? or is this some kind of casual thing?
Maybe you need to talk to him and establish what you actually are to each other. YOU think he is your boyfriend. Boys his age have a habit of fibbing about the whole BF/GF status thing when they think they can get sex. When you turned down his offer for sex, perhaps you are now just a friend he fools around with, hence the lack of attention.
Teenage boys think with their penis and will do and say anything in order to try and get sex. This includes fibbing about feelings to girls who really like them. Even flirting with girls they DONT like is perfectly ok with them. When you are older you will realise this.
In your two months of 'going out' how many times have you actually 'been out' on a date? How many times have you done something that could be considered 'dating'? This will be a good indicator as to how much he thinks about you.
I would be interested to know how many dates you have been on, as after two months it does sound like you are more into him than he is to you.
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A
female
reader, BeckySmith101 +, writes (16 March 2012):
BeckySmith101 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk, look, im not botherd about the sex thing and neither is he. We know its against the law and so on but he thought it would be fun. I know him and your going to have to trust me on this that he doesn't want it anymore.
Thanks again for your comments! if you have any idea's on how to get him to notice me more then that would be helpful also :) thanks!
xx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2012): hey this is the guy from the bottom again i didnt realize that it was illegal till 16 in the uk im from texas and legal consent is 17 but you can as young as 14 as long as the other person is no older then 3 yrs of you im sorry and i must agree that doing illegal things are not the way to go but Celtic_tiger we all have to be honest with ourselves teenagers will do what they want whether its illegal or not im not saying its right to do illegal activites especially if you are not ready and i would like to say that if you do decide that you want to (im going to be a responsible adult which i rarely do) make sure your safe and responsible about it. i do respect what celtic_tiger has to say because she probably has more experince with this kinda thing then i do.
and going on dates are a great way to rekindle the romantic side of anyone. another thing that would help is try having him teach you about computers so yall can fool around on the computers together and he will feel like you are trying to make him happy because it makes you happy (even if it doesnt) then he will do the same for you
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (15 March 2012):
Hi OP
You did the right thing, and I want to address something from the anon male at the bottom there!
In the UK, UNTIL you are 16, ALL sex is ILLEGAL. Be it full on intercourse (vaginal or anal) or oral sex (blowjobs etc) as well as sexual touching (handjobs/fingering). It is all classed as sex, and all against the law until you reach the age of consent.
Until you are 16, you are unable to give consent, so it is technically classed as rape. Doesnt matter if you say yes, or make the first move.
Kissing is perfectly fine, but if your boyfriend is trying to encourage you to do other things, then he is in the wrong. I suspect, he is probably just being a typical teenage boy - with a very short attention span.
At that age, boys are not programmed for serious relationships. They just want 'fun'. Sadly, they are usually not the ones who have to pick up the pieces when it goes wrong.
My advice - why not start going on dates? Visit places, the cinema, bowling, ice skating, a meal out.. Just the two of you? Rather than just 'hanging' at home? Get him as far away from the computers as you can, and talk to each other.
A good relationship is based on communication. If you cant talk to each other, there is no hope.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, BeckySmith101 +, writes (14 March 2012):
BeckySmith101 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks much. its nice to hear from a guy about this. :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2012): Dear *eckySmith101
well lets get started with sayin that sex is never the answer and if you ain't ready then he should respect that, that being said relationships are give and take. If you ain't ready for that then you should atleast do a lil "foolin around" whether it be wrappin your arms around him while he plays with the computer and blowin in his ear or gettin him to 2nd base or if you're feelin adventerous lettin him stand at 3rd(lol). Knowin he can get you comfertably to fool around he will be more willin to stop messin with the computer and start messin with you(also lol). Back to the main part of the question, us guys will be sweet for the first few months with the whole wrappin his arms around your waist in public and kissin infront of your friends or if he is really sweet he does the long sweet messages for you to wake up to in the morning this stops for a while sometimes because women dont say how much they love it. Sweet things guys do come in waves at a time like me and my sorta kinda idk gf. I would send her long sweet messages for a month straight making her feel loved and im at the time when i cant think of anything and she decided she wants to flirt some guy she met at a party (sorry im babblin) but sometimes we just dont have words to describe how much we care and love y'all and it takes time and many hours on google to think of something that might come close to what we feel. Im going to stop babbling again now and just answer dont get insecure and freak out that he isnt as sweet as he used to be it's tuff for us guys having to constantly be sweet to make women happy. just hang in there sweetheart if he cares he will do it again.
hopes this helps!!!
ty :)
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