A
female
age
36-40,
*leo85
writes:I met this guy and we have been dating for the last two months and a week now. Everything seemed to be going great since we first met. He's really nice and we were spending a lot of time together.But two weeks ago he just blindsided me concerning our "relationship" and now I am not too sure what to do.Right from the start he told me that he had bipolarism and had been taking medication for it. I have no issues about his illness, since I am aware that there are perfectly functioning people out there with it. I was glad that he was honest with me from the beginning and was willing to accept that part of him because I liked him and wanted to continue seeing him. II was willing to be patient and be there for him if he needed it.However during the last week we saw each other,he explained to me that he has been experiencing one of his rapid-cycling episodes. For those that don't know, it's basically severe mood swings going through periods of complete happiness and bliss and severe anxiety and depression the next. However, these episodes were unlike any that he experienced before. At first, he would experience these periods every three months or so. But now it is to the point where he was having "trips" every couple of hours. It is affecting him so much that he has not been sleeping or eating correctly...and has experienced some serious bouts with depression. We saw each other on a monday.The date was fine but he was really sad and distant. When I suggested that we reschedule seeing each other so that he could get some time by himself, he insisted that I see him because he didn't want to feel alone. We met up, got him out of his apartment for a couple of hours and headed back to his place. I tried to comfort him the best that I could cause at one point he was even crying and held him and talked to him for the rest of the night. The next morning I left and he never gave me any suggestion that things between us were bad. If anything he looked like he was worried that his episode freaked me out and that I wouldn't want to see him again. He didn't say it but his mannerism told me another story.I called him the next to check up on him and to let him now that I was still there.everything seemed to be ok. He was going to visit his therapist to get everything under control so that he could possibly increase the dosage of his meds. We're both starting another term at our school and he is worried about being able to function through it.Two days later we decided to meet up again. We went out for coffee and the whole ordeal seemed somewhat uncomfortable. He seemed completely out of it but I tried my best to cheer him up by taking a walk around the city and visiting the places he tends to frequent. Towards the end of the date as we were walking he completely blindsided me by stating that there was something that he had been wanting to tell me for a while. He continued on saying that he's not ready for a relationship due to the current state of his illness --- that he wants to work on himself for the next month or so --- and that he wants us to keep in touch because " he really likes me and that perhaps things can work out between us when he is feeling better".I completely understand where he is coming from in regards to his illness. But at the same time, I can't help but feel saddened, confused and angry about the whole thing. I get that he's going through some issues right now. But WHEN was he going to tell me that he was emotionally unavailable? I can't help but think that he could have been possibly using me -- both emotionally and physically throughout the entire time that we were seeing each other. If he was so sure that he didn't want to get involved in a relationship, then why continue to see me? Or better yet, why not just state that he wanted to keep things casual? At least that would have given me the option to make a choice in the matter before things kept continuing on like they did. To top off everything, he gives me a false sense of hope that things might hopefully work out if we were to stay in contact with each other. I'm just really confused. I backed off contact with him for a while. A friend told me to give him some space until he tries to get a hold of me. When the two week mark came, I got worried and contacted him. He was really happy to hear from me and was eager to catch up. He had been really busy with both school and work, leaving him pretty asocial. If he had any time over, he spent it with the recommendation of his therapist to get into some creative/physical outlets. The conversation ended on a good note.It's now been a week since I've heard from him. Should I give him even more space or should I contact him to see if he just to casually meet up? At the same time, I feel as though if he wanted to really keep in touch that he would reach out. Maybe he's having one of his cycles again. But on the other hand I don't want to do anything to disrupt his progress.What should I do? Should I completely end contact with him or "keep in touch in hopes that things might work out between us?
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female
reader, Cleo85 +, writes (8 February 2013):
Cleo85 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah. I'm not an expert on bipolarism so I only took what he said for face value. I do believe he also stated that he had ADHD as well. His illnesses didn't bug me that much as we were seeing each other. As long as he was doing what he needed to do in order to get it under control. But you are right. Illness or not, it should not excuse the way he treated me. After the first month or so, I started hinting to him that I liked him and he more or less expressed the same thing by wanting to see more of each other.I'm even more angry at myself for not telling him how hurt and angry I was when he told me how he was feeling and that he wanted to keep in touch because he "really liked me". I trusted him, even considering his illness in regards to the situation and have continued to be there with the encouragement of friends.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 February 2013):
 I'm sorry but cyling in a matter of hours is not the hallmark of Rapid Cycling bipolar... that's way more like borderline personality or ADHD...
Rapid cyling is
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/hes-bipolar-and-needs-time-to-work-on45.html
DSM-IV defines rapid cycling as the occurrence of at least 4 major depressive, manic, hypomanic, or mixed episodes during the previous year in a patient with a diagnosis of BP I or BP II. These episodes must be demarcated either by a partial or full remission of at least 2 months’ duration or by a switch to an episode of opposite polarity.
Duration criteria for episodes are not waived, which means that each major depressive episode must last at least 2 weeks, each manic or mixed episode must last at least 1 week, and each hypomanic episode must last at least 4 days.
so if he is cycling in a matter of hours.. it's not truly Rapid Cycling Bipolar... and he's either mis-informed (and hence not with a good therapist or psych) or he's aware that he's pushing the limits and is technically lying to you...
I think it's best for you to move on with your life and if he contacts you, be friendly and kind... but do not let him use RAPID CYCLING BIPOLAR as an excuse for his behavior....
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