A
male
age
36-40,
*tymez4
writes:Hello,I've been seeing this guy for about a week. He's 21, mature for his age, attractive, smart, great job, in school. He's pretty much out of my league, but every time we see each other we make-out, mess around, or just talk in his car. He used to date a man that you couldn't tell was gay. He said that's the only man he's ever fallen in love and has been in a relationship with because he could go out in public and not feel uncomfortable. He said he thinks guys are better lovers and that although he could have sex with girls, he prefers males at the moment. He says he cannot help the way he feels and doesn't want to hurt my feelings, but it will take awhile for him to be comfortable with me, if at all. He won't go anywhere in town out in public with me for fear of running into his friends and them seeing us together. He said he "likes me" but he doesn't have the same feelings as he did with his ex. He has still continued to text me today after telling me all of this yesterday. And it hasn't been the same between us, I can't help but feel down, depressed, and rejected. I feel like I want to pursue him still, but I don't feel like I should have to wait for when he decided to feel comfortable. What do you think I should do?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 November 2011):
 I think that sadly he's setting this up to not be anything serious or long term...
he won't be seen in public with you?
he doesn't feel that strongly about you
he said he thinks men make better lovers but he could be with a woman... so it sounds to me like this is all about sex for him....
why do you want to pursue him if he makes you feel so down and rejected? is it the challenge?
A
female
reader, synchrohobbit +, writes (29 November 2011):
 The funny thing about this case is that you could have essentially left out the part about you both being men and just mentioned that this person is "out of your league" (not that you are right about this), compares you to his ex, and doesn't want to be seen with you in front of friends. What I am essentially saying is if you were a male/female pair I would immediately point to these red flags and suggest calling it quits, or at least preparing yourself for some short-term fun and nothing more. It is then up to you to judge whether his closeted bisexuality would make any difference.
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