A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So this is really long and complicated but I'll try to cut it as short as I can.I dated this guy in high school my junior year (I'll call him Brad) for less than 2 months, maybe a month and a half. It wasn't anything that serious, we drifted apart, things got really awkward and he ended up texting me asking if i thought it was working out, i said no, he agreed and things were done. Not a big deal at all.We've been out of high school for a couple years now and we randomly started talking again. He lives a couple hours away but he was back in town and we went to the movies. The next day we went to a party and he got completely wasted (i was drunk too but not insanely) and started telling me how much he missed me, regretted breaking up with me, and how happy he was that we started talking again and he had another chance (i didnt really believe it and assumed it was drunk talk). We ended up hooking up and he asked me to be his girlfriend- i said no and that we should talk about that later because we were both drunk. I was also hesitant because he doesnt have the best background and has done a lot of crappy things (mostly sleeping with girls and not talking to them anymore, hitting on girls a lot, just a "player" i guess).At one point he also told me the reason he broke up with me was because i was "stupid" and believed everything he told me (we had sex when we dated). I told him how i felt and he basically started throwing a tantrum (still drunk) saying that he isn't like that and he would never cheat on me (he lives in a college town, drinks a TON and parties the majority of the week and i basically didnt trust him) and a bunch of crap. The next week i went back to visit, first night im there we were at a party at his house. a bunch of people were there, i didnt know many so it was pretty awkward. he didnt talk to me the whole time and i saw him talking to another girl the majority of the time. eventually i saw him holding her around the waist (in an obviously more than friends way) so i got pissed and left. this guy ive been friends with for a long time (call him Tony) was there (i was best friends with his sister and cousin but since have drifted apart with all of them). he liked me for a few years and i liked him too but i felt like it was too weird to be more than friends since i was so close to his sister and cousin. he saw what happened and told me i could stay with him for the weekend since i obviously wasnt going back to the other guys (brads). later that night he kissed me and long story short we kept talking and are now going out. so now the huge problem is Brad is flipping out (theyve been friends since more towards the end of high school), threatening to beat up tony and completely exaggerating the story. hes trying to make it seem like hes really hurt about it (i guarantee he didnt care much about me at any point) and making tony look horrible to all their friends. its to the point where today he was saying he wants to come home and not live there anymore.i like him a lot and have for a while, but im wondering if i should end things. i dont want him to lose all his friends over this (even though it really shouldnt be such a big deal). Any advice is really appreciated, and if you got through all of this thanks for reading
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female
reader, SweetSmoochy +, writes (15 March 2011):
 Uh-oh. Was my reply confusing? I thought that was what I was replying to.
If my reply was unclear, it is written from the standpoint that the guy you are with now is fine and you like him, and the other guy is being a jerk.
Hopefully that helps it make more sense!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthis whole thing is really confusing so i hope it made sense. but to clarify from the title, the guy im going with now ("tony") isn't the one being confusing and jealous. hes fine- the guy i was somewhat dating (if even that) before thats friends with him is just mad because he doesnt want us going out. the reason im considering ending things with tony is because i dont want him to lose all his friends over this.
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A
female
reader, SweetSmoochy +, writes (15 March 2011):
You should talk to his friends, if you can. Make it clear that you and Brad never had anything serious and explain that the guy is being ridiculous. Keep it short!! Like 3 sentences. A group of guys son't listen to a long story, plus the shorter the explanation, the more believable.
If you can, while Brad is in front of his friends, say something to the affect of "Oh Brad shut up and get over it. You know you couldn't handle me anyway." and snuggle up to your Tony. Making him look like the fool he is will 1) Discredit him in front of his friends 2) Make Tony look like the bigger man and 3) feel pretty freakin awesome. If all goes well, Brad might even shut his trap :)
One last thing. Talk to Tony about how he feels. He may not even care about what the other guy is doing, and he may know that his friends already think Brad is full of it. Talking will most likely help solve the problem and put your mind at ease.
Best of Luck!!
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