A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: have spent 7 years raising child alone .casually dated over years never introducing child to any dates. lived next door to man a year in a half ago.hated one another.he was a single dad raising two teenagers on his own.daughter started watching my child while i worked we started handing out.sparks flew we fell in love when he kissed me i felt something for him i never felt before.i am 41 years old.the kids all seemed to get along and we went with it and moved together.i started noticing things behaviours he had.falling asleep mumbling sweating.so i followed my senses.he came home one nite and went right to bathroom.locked door.so i went and quietly got butterknife and quickly opened it only to find him stashing something above bathroom mirror it was something i never expected to find.he promised to get help started going to church.son was getting out of control still working helping kids driving evrything to save this man i love and these kids lives who have no mom.love these kids.he got into trouble with law and was going away for 3 months.stood by his side.knowing he is a good man deep down.tried to make it about me worked threw it cuz thats what addicts do they make it allll your fault.still loving him living in separate house it finally came to a hault kept pushing me to get mad angry and finally he did.i gave in i exploded on him.telling him he falled his children not once but several times and i was not going to be his scap goat i would not be taking care of his kids while he is in joint.you failed them not me.i said i was moving on and he should to.thee unfortunate part is that i miss him terribly.he called 5 days aftre to inform me he had moved on.that he went back to old girlfriend whne they were 15 years old.hes now 37.he informed me he would still talk to my child who had no clue of any problems just that my child addord him.so child went to call when a woman a week after we broke up answrs his phone omg.she says he not aloud to talk to child.that she wanted to talk to me.i did i am ballsy that way.said she was going to get him back someday anyhow.so after spending a wooping 5,000.00 in 10 months on his small clan and doing everything to save us from drowning,i lost him.i broke today and called him in mornign they seem to be the worst for me the mornings.so here i am in this great big house kids thinking this is all my fault not knowing father has addiction him going back to past and my heart hurts cant eat and he has done what i said to do and i am quietly dying inside.i look at picture of him and pray he will be ok not even concerned that we will ever be.but that he may be not live because of this terrible habit.i love him although he is being beat by addiction he is a good man am hurt that he has now chosen this addiction and woman over me just pray his children and him will be ok.when does it feel better.cuz i dont remember the pain of loosing a man i loved like this.will he evr call again?just to talk to let me know hes ok?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the reply I waited til morning to write before work and to read note.i need evevry little stregth i have in me.it hits me oddly always in the morning do i miss him.the note was a reflection of everything i was telling myself but just couldnt bare to face.i try not to involve people as to not burden them with my bull shit.honestly though i have 2 very good understanding people my age in my life that have been there but i need a girlsnite just to cry it out listen to some melissa ethrigde some allman brothers popcorn couple of chick flicks tissue and some comedy.thanks again for confirming what my mind has been trying to convince my heart.and i am movin on like rascal flats said.thanks have a great day.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2009): My goodness, but you really are a courageous woman! Don't you see that? So now...leave him alone. Hurt, cry, yell, mourn, grieve..but don't go back to that. He is no longer your problem, hun...he's someone else's problem, now. And I'm feeling really bad for her. I am not going to 'beat around the bush here' and I am going to be honest. You now know that when you fall in love with a person who is addicted to drugs, you were seriously playing with fire. He dragged you into a dark, deep hellish world, that was so sad. Addicts are in love with something other than you. You were competing with his drug of choice as a rival for his full attention and focus on you and the kids. And it got worse. That was so unfair to you. Here is a quote from me I want you to repeat it to yourself 10 times a day or more:
"I really, really deserve a healthy love with a man whose spirit of love is just for me."
Please repeat that often.
Thank your lucky stars you had the strength to finally walk away from all this. I respect that. I really do. So many people don't do this. You spent so many stressful, painful moments with this person who was powerless to drugs. He put his addiction above you and that's what they do. Right now, his new relationship is possibly in a 'honeymoon' phase and life will seem all happy and joyful. But it's just a matter of time when this new gf, will see him disappear to go his dope, she will see him sweating, she will see him mumbling, she will experience him neglecting her and his family. The dillusionment will set in bigtime and she will endure the same thing! Why? Because people who are addicted can't love a partner, in the healthiest sense of the word..they have the first love they want..that is the drugs! You will always be competing with that..always. And you miss that?
Listen, you saved yourself here. You got away. If you take him back knowing he is still doing the drugs, I would tell you to look inside deeply at the problems within you, that is allowing you to love an addict and to be a emotionally dependant, needy woman. That's not you is it?
Do the most sensible, bravest thing for yourself and stay away and respect yourself enough to get through the pain of loss here, recover and heal and give yourself a chance at a happy future. You need to accept that. It will hurt like hell and many of people out here have been through the heartbreak of letting someone go. And work at truly changing yourself and knowing that you did truely deserve to be honored and loved for all that you were. When it comes to our own happiness, you should always, always expect the the best. This man wasn't the one. Take what you learned from this and carry on. Lose all contact with him today. Be strong and Good luck and keep us posted.
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