A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I recently met a 30-year-old guy whom I hit it off really well with - he flirts with me heavily all the time and he is clearly a very kind person (he stopped to give an old lady change for the bus the other day because she couldn't find her purse - little things like that). He is quite physically attractive as well.He is obviously into me, and I heard from a close mutual friend that he's thinking of asking me out but not sure of how to go about it. I like him a lot too, but there's one problem: he does drugs. We were talking to another friend the other day, who said that they shouldn't be decriminalised, and then the guy I like said that, actually, drugs aren't all that bad, and said that he did them as well. Later, I asked him how often he did them, and he said that it was only occasionally (he's into the whole indie music scene, half his friends are too and musicians do a lot of drugs, apparently) and never to dangerous levels. I didn't want to sound like I was interrogating him so left it at that, but to be honest I am not sure if I could date someone who did drugs even if it was at supposedly "safe" levels and very occasionally. At university, some of my flatmates did them and it got so awful for me that I had to move rooms, so maybe I am overreacting as he is a very decent guy in loads of other ways (he spends his spare time doing stuff like campaigning for gay rights and so on, even though he's not gay).But I just find drugs a huge turn off. There is a little thing about him I find a bit of a turn off too (he is overly flirty/friendly with people, and sometimes women seem to take that the wrong way but he doesn't seem to realise/tone it down), but it's not a deal breaker. Drugs are a deal breaker for me, even if it's just a small amount. Am I being too fussy here?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (15 October 2014):
 Yours is a strange question, insofar first you say
" drugs are a deal breaker for me " then in the same breath you ask " am I too fussy ?"
So,... how do yor dealbreakers work ? By popular consent ? They are only dealbreakers as long as you get enough people to tell you they agree with you ?...
So far you got a few people telling you, no you aren't fussy, it is a deal breaker . What if you had instead gotten 3 or 4 answers telling you, yeah too fussy ? Would you have changed your mind, attitude and moral values ?...
Yu are very young, but maybe not too young to have your own opinions , values , ethic code.
If you DO find drug use a big turn off, and if this is a definite dealbreaker for you- then you don't even have a question, actually, you know what you need to do.
If you'd be instead so easily swayed by a different opinion from yours... then maybe it wasn't such a " dealbreaker " at all to begin with.
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (15 October 2014):
 Four letters; n,o,p,e...It's like saying well she's just a little bit pregnant. The deal breaker is a done deal now act on it and don't look back. he made his choice.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (14 October 2014):
 You ask: "Drugs are a deal breaker for me, even if it's just a small amount. Am I being too fussy here?"
Answer: Nope, you're not. Stay away from him....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 October 2014):
 Drugs would be a huge and absolute deal breaker for me. Same would overindulgence of lying, violence, drinking, gambling, cheating, prostitutes, strippers and a few other things..
Doing drug occasionally or recreationally doesn't make him a bad guy, but.. it might make him a BAD match for you.
I'd listen to your gut on this one.
Just because there are friends of yours/his who thinks it doesn't matter doesn't mean YOU have to feel as they do.
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