A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend goes to the movies with his close female friends all the time and im NEVER invited. he goes with them at least once a week sometimes with a couple of them and sometimes with just one of them and i know a couple of them have a crush on him. i feel left out and angry so what should i do? i cant go on ignoring it coz its really hurting my feelings
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2008): I am so happy for you that you got to go and things are working out. I can not believe your story is exactly like mine!!! For GOD sake he went with the girls to see Sex in the City, 3 damn hours!!!! aarrggg!!!! Now his boss (female) follows him around like a damm puppy dog with her camra in hand, always snapping pictures of them together and handing the developed copies to him right infront of me. I hate when she shows up to our hang outs knowing I will be there. My guy knows how hurt I get so when they go out he takes them to places he knows I won't be. And now when she shows up to where I am, he gets pissed and totaly ignores her. I think she caught the hint, cause when she sees me she stays away. Anyway, thank you for sharing your story, I was so down and out about the movie thing. Take care and best wishes.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2007): me again. the next time he mentioned he was going out with a female friend to the movies i casually asked like in a joking way 'what are you going to see THIS time' kind of thing and after a lil bit of talking i started to have it out with him straight, he was understanding and apologised for not noticing my feelings more, said it was just his chilling time with friends but im more important than that and said i could go out with them any time i wanted, so i went two days ago, he was fine and relaxed and being how he normally is talkative and cheerful, however the girl we went with wel call her D was very quiet and didnt seem happy all night. me and him went home and he didnt sense anything a miss about the girl being wierd with me there, i mentioned it when we got home and we talked about it and he realised my suspicions were probably right so hes gonna stop going with them nearly as often and he says i can come along anytime. his friends will have to deal with it or loose him. iv felt a lot happier these past 2 days after our talk thanks for all the advice people!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2007): Ok I see where everyones coming from, But Please Hun take my original advice because if you have all these paronoid thoughts(cheating etc,) they wont do you any good and will continue to drive a wedge beetween you and your boyfriend,
be more subtle be clever, be nice so that you dont look like the problem hun,
good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2007): hun there is physically cheating ie having sex and kissing and emotionally cheating which I suspect is what he is up to. I have been out with someone like this before who was always keeping his options open, we had a break and I walked in on him on one of his "friends" in bed and he had been on the phone to me 30mins earlier saying he loved me. Anyway what im getting at is if it was all so innocent then you would be more than welcome to go with them so its either him messing around or the girls saying they dont want you there and disrespecting you. Either way it is not on. I suggest next time he goes to walk out the door to meet up with them grab your coat and bag and say "perfect iv been dying to see that movie". If he says you cant then you have the perfect opportunity to have it out with him and find out why the hell not.You have been with him long enough to not need an invite you are his girlfriend after all. good luck. Ps if he says no way can you go with him my advice (what I did) was not be there when he got back. Pack his stuff and put it on the lawn and find a real man who doesnt play silly games with you. Remember, if nothing is going on then you should be able to go and feel welcome. If they dont allow you to go with them or make you feel uncomfortable when you do then something is definantly going on!!!!!!!!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2007): You are being naive, if he really loved you he would not go out with a girls to a movie and leave you sitting at home wondering why....he does not love you, he loves himself quite a bit though....this has nothing to do with your value, by the way, he is being an immaature jerk....you can continue to put up with it, you can complain, you can confront him about it, but the fact remains, he is not taking your feelings into consideration and he is not taking your relationship seriously, you are just one of a stable of girls he is keeping....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2007): hes very committed to me we hav an apartment together, he sees these girls as just his friends but my problem is that i know some of them want him as more than a friend, and its worse that im never there to see how they act with him and they want to see him alllll the time. hes very naive and doesnt realise this causes a problem for me cos theyre just his friends. to him anyway. i love him and he loves me too i just dont know how to talk to him about it cos my feelings are being hurt which i cant not adress, but i dont want to make him choose between his friends and me. any ideas on how to start the conversation with him and tell him how much this bothers me? without seeming like im just complaining for complainings sake
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2007): This guy is telling you he has a harem of girls waiting in the wings to take your place, I wouldn't stay too involved with him and start dating others, he is not ready for a steady relationship....and neither are you you should say...
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female
reader, baby_caridee  +, writes (4 July 2007):
 I guess he is a jerk. Why would he do that??? He doesn't understand your feelings.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2007): I had a similar problem, only that my boyfriend didn't go out with his female friend as often as your boyfriend. What I did: I told him that I feel hurt and that it feels like cheating for me. I told him that there are three points making me feel left out: the fact that this are female friends and the fact that he never goes to the cinema with me and the fact that I can not join them when they go together. But if he wants to be with me, has to make the choise between his freedom OR the relationship. He can't have both. So I made him chose between me and his friends. He still can go to the cinema with them, but either he takes a male friend with him as well or he would have to ask me, if I would like to join them. If I don't have time or don't fancy the film, it's ok, if he just goes with the other female friends - but I would like that he shows, I'm his priority and he would have to aks me for going to the cinema sometimes as well, not just leave me out.
He has still some freedom, but has to show me, that he wants to be with me. Till now, it works perfectly.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2007): thank you blonde chick that was helpful. i dont think hes cheating on me at all and i trust him totally its just hard to see him hanging out so often with girls that i know crush on him and that he is close to. its their behaviur i dont like really not his i just wish i wasnt left out of the weekly movie date with them all, i also dont want to intrude on his time with his friends incase he feels im sufocating him. il make a point of going out with my male friends and if he doesnt hav a problem with it then maybe i am just over sensitive lol thanks for the advice
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2007): I see what the others mean, however Hun I understand why you’re upset about this,
However he is still may not be cheating
But what he’s doing is rude and hurtful and you shouldn’t stand for it he’s trying to isolate you from his friends for whatever reason,
But now its time to be cleaver if you lose your rag and shout at him he will turn the situation around to make it look like you’re the problem,
But if you calmly show it wont be tolerated by being a bit subtle and acting like its not a problem chances are he will feel bad about this, then comes discussion time,
Tell him he can go to the movies as long as you can go with a bunch of male friends too, act like you mean it and see how he reacts,
Then he will get the message if he doesn’t, you may need to move on Hun after all who wants a partner who doesn’t care about your feelings?,
take care hun,
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (3 July 2007):
 Your bf is cheating on you. There is no reason not to invite you along if they are just friends.
-Frank B Kermit
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A
female
reader, flower girl  +, writes (3 July 2007):
 You say they are close friends of his, so if you try and talk to him about it and tell him how you feel he may well think you are trying to control him.
They are his friends and it does not matter how much any of them are attracted to him he is with you and that is his choice.
If they were male friends would you feel the same way?, if he is going to be unfaithful to you he will be, and there is nothing you can do to stop it.
At the end of the day it's only once a week try and go out with your friends and have some fun, and i don't mean to make him jealous it just might stop you focusing on it so much.
Take care.xx.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2007): i dont think he could feel unattractive when hes with me cos i tell him all the time i think hes wonderful, if thats true then i wish he didnt need the attention of other girls and i tell him often how good looking he is. i only have 4 male friends 1 of them is gay the other 3 are dating people so i cant try to make him jealous and i dont want to play that game anyway. i just want some advice on how to approach the problem to him cos i hate seeing him go off with those stunning girls especially knowing that a few of them want to be with him, and me being left behind
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A
female
reader, Ask_HanBan +, writes (3 July 2007):
 try talking to him and tell him how u feelmaybe he's doing this cos he needs to feel powerful and attrictive among other females, maybe he still needs to know that he is good looking.even make him jelouse! u hang around with your male freinds and dont invite him, see how he feels,gd lk, e-mail me if there is a problem
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