A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I recently realized that the kind of future i had for my boyfriend and I is only and ideal. . . and it probably won't be anywhere near it. The problem is that I don't know how to deal with it, I don't want to totally give up on my dreams in order to make it work for us. He has an addictiction and I've got a feeling he'll never give it up(all i want is for him to cut down).I'm not the romantic type but every now and again I'd like to be spoiled but unfortunately he doesn't have one bone of romance in him... But I love him with all my heart-we've had alot of good times and I don't want to give that up on us.What do I do? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2007): You don't say what his addiction is so I will assume it's alcohol or drug related. Based on that, this is serious. You love a man who has a dependency. We know he has a problem but so do you. Your problem is you tolerate this and you don't realize how you can empower your life and your future by doing some work on yourself and becoming strong enough to know-you don't deserve to settle for this. So why are just settling? Because you love him? Where is this love getting you? Pain, uncertainty. This not what a true, giving love is. You are struggling to accept reality here..you are denying, ignoring, rationalizing the hard, cold truth of his addiction, the bleak future you have with this man. The best suggestion I have...give him a number of a rehab center or a medical center that can help him. Go with him and offer your support..he'll need that. But you need to set boundaries, be strong and make this an either/or situation. Either he gets the help he needs or you walk out the door. Do it today. If he doesn't seek help, then you follow through and go walk out that door, heal, recover and look toward a brighter, happier future for 'you'. Anything is better that what you are settling for now. Look out for yourself, hun...because he's not doing his job in this relationship and sadly, I think you know..you just can't accept it. My heart is with you, dear.Please take care of yourself.
A
female
reader, cd206  +, writes (29 January 2007):
 If your boyfriend has an addiction you don't want him just to cut down because then it has the chance of coming back. You want him to cut out whatever it is he's addicted to and get help to stay off it. Your relationship can exist alongside this although it will be hard but it rests on him. What does he love more? His addiction or you?
CD
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2007): You know yourself just how this is heading. He is an addict. They often get worse before they get better. You say he hasn't an ounce of romance in him, maybe that is the addiction and his money will be all tied up with keeping him in the stuff, whatever it is. I don't want this to come across as harsh but i think you should move on, sorry but he will drag you down. You do deserve better. Explain to him that you cannot go on like this and if he did reduce it, (giving up would be better), you will help and be there for him but don't hold your breath.
Take care and remember - life is too short!
xx
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (29 January 2007):
 What's he addicted to?
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