A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am an unhappily married person,and have been for some time. I have been with my husband for 12 years, living together for six years and married for six. Over the course of our marriage he has cheated repeatedly, used my trust against me and subjected me to various types of abuse. I being young and vulnerable always accepted his lies, reasons and excuses as fact, but in the past few years a lot has changed with me. I no longer feel that I am "in love with him", my future plans do not include him either. I have more fun without him than with him. In my heart I knew that I would end up looking for someone else, but denied it to myself. Recently I met someone else whom I more in common with, and enjoy this person's company. My question is this, how can I say goodbye to my spouse without feeling fear of him? It is obvious that he is holding on to me, as he knows that I perfer to go out by myself. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2007): give him the chance to act rationally.
do this by going out for a meal to discuss it. this way when you break the news to him youll be in a public place so he cant rect badly as there will be witnesses.
have someone like a good friend or a parent waiting so that you dont have to go home with him that night...
then follow what the guy above says if he reacts badly and if he doesnt... youre free of him and he cant hurt you anymore!
good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2007): i had a relationship with a man several years ago and i was abused. it took me several years to get out of it but i did. if you don't find a way you can end up dead or mentally insane from all the abuse. first, you must make up your mind to do it. then , you must contact the right authorities ( like the abuse shelter) . you can find the right people by calling the ywca in your area and say that you want to go to a shelter. also, you may want to attend meetings for abused women to hear some of their stories too. that can make you more aware of what other women are going through and how they have coped. you are not alone. i have been so happy since i left him . he and i went to court for almost a year because the police filed domestic abuse charges against him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2007): i agree with rcn. There are many many agencies that were created specifically to help women in your exact situation. I know this is extreme, but I would suggest getting a gun. My mother had a man stalking her and I begged and begged her to get a gun because a restraining order is, lets face it, just a piece of paper. Especially to a deranged, angry, and senseless man looking to harm you. She never got a gun and he ended up breaking in and beating her up. He had sneakily made keys to the house even when she thought she had "lost" them. Get a gun and learn how to use it is my suggestion.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2007): Leave. don't tell him where your going. tell him why you've left and wish him a good future. organise a divorce later as well but I think your main priority should be to get the hell away from this guy. he is BAD stuff.
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (12 November 2007):
 Your first step is to leave and get to a safe place. Next, if it seems as if he's not going to let go easy, you'll need to contact your attorney or the police department and have a restraining order issued. There are agencies there to help you, you might be able to leave as well and when picking up your belongings, have an escort by the police to do so. The main thing is being strong, and staying safe.
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