A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So i have been with my parter 4 years lived together for 3, generally its all very positive we spend a lot of time together and have a great connection. Hes funny and caring and we get on so well but there are somethings that i worry about in terms of spending the rest of our lives together. He likes to do nothing! And i mean nothing! He works from home so is home all day everyday and he goes out with his friends once per week but when hes not working he just wants to watch tv or read or play computer games, with me (so we spend a lot of time together) and he will watch things that i like. I like to do things, go out for meals, shopping, day trips etc and have spoken to him about this ALOT and because of this we do the odd meal out (approx once per month) and whilst the outing goes ok he makes it perfectly clear that he''d rather be at home. This isnt too bad as i do other things with friends and family, but he doesnt seem to understand that i would rather do them things with him.. I also enjoy travelling but have gone with a friend as again he has no interest in this. He did tell me not to go to a specific place this year with friends because he wanted us to go there but we havent been and when i asked why he said we have the rest of our lives to go? So now i feel sad that i missed out on such a trip. My friend who i usually travel with now has a boyfriend and has plans nexr year to travel with him. Ive explained to my partner how i need to get away from work etc and he talked of how if i needed to then to book a few days in a log cabin around 30 miles away. I explained that i wanted to go further afield (definitely abroad) he said a log cabin was a compromise because he enjoys his job and doesnt want to go away anywhere. Im so torn because i love him dearly and we get on so well and i really do want to be with him in the long term but i find it hard to accept that if i stay with this man then it means i am subjecting myself to a lifetime of staying at home.Any advice?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 December 2016):
 Could he have social anxiety? Talk to him. But you might need to accept that this is who he is and you cannot change him. If you can both find a happy middle then great. But if he is uncomfortable travelling then you need to ask yourself are you willing to be with him and not travel?
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (4 December 2016):
 Sounds like my husband and me.
He HATES going places. I LOVE it. I love to see new things, do things I haven't done before etc.
After 20 years together with him, this is my advice.... TALK it over, while you can compromise to go to a cabin THIS time, he needs to compromise and go to XYZ next time. YOU should not be the one to bend all the time.
And yes, you DO have the "rest" of you life to go places but WHY wait till you are 60 or 80? Sheesh. My dad did a walking pilgrimage in Spain a couple of years ago at age 75. He told me later that he WISHED he had done it 30_ years ago when my MOM wanted to go and when we were still kids and not living far from him.
I have the advantage of having kids, so I DRAG (lol not really they love seeing new things too) them around and quite often he will come too just because he doesn't want to miss out. But certain things I do with the kids only. Like taking the kayaks out on the lake in summer or go to the beach, go inner-tubing, go blackberry hunting, shopping at the mall, go sledding in winter.
And IF he gets stubborn about NOT wanting to go, GO alone. DON'T let him reluctance to travel stop you. MAYBE if he sees you NOT sitting on your hands when it comes to doing things YOU want to, will get him up and about.
Maybe also expand your circle of friends a little, so you have someone to go to lunch with or shopping with.
One thing I'm NOT a fan of that my husband loves is going out for dinner. I HATE paying for food that I can honestly make 10 times better at home. I still suck it up and go out when he wants to. OR if I don't feel like it... he takes the kids out and I stay home with a good book.
THIS IS who he is. And you are you. So either you two can find a way to make it work, OR you can't.
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